Makes Going From “Friends” to “Lovers” Super Easy
“I might never have sex again.”
One of my friends who was stuck in the friend zone said this to me.
He had been seeing this woman — taking her out twice a week…
Buying her groceries…
Even fixing her damn toilet!
It was almost like they were a married couple. But no sex. (So basically, he was her glorified plumber.)
I see this sort of situation all the time: It’s what happens when she puts you in the “friend zone.”
You give and you give and you give…
But she gives you nothing in return. Why do women do this? What is she trying to accomplish?
What it Really Means to Be “Stuck” in the Friend Zone
Before you start thinking about what she’s trying to accomplish, ask yourself what you’re doing.
Why are you holding on to this relationship? And why are you tolerating it?
When my friend told me his story, I replied:
“OK, you’ve got to honestly assess your motivations.”
And the truth is that there’s one key factor that makes you want to stay in these kinds of relationships — relationships that resemble a romantic connection in every single way…
Except without any physical intimacy:
Hope is a very real, powerful thing. It’s inspired men to fight and win wars for thousands of years…
But the thing that you’re hoping for — that physical intimacy — isn’t real. At least not yet.
So if you feel “stuck” in the friend zone, it means that you haven’t gotten what you’re hoping for: Sex. So you keep on hoping…
Wondering when she’ll finally realize you’re the perfect guy for her…
And this cycle continues until you’re completely drained. Her resistance to be with you ends up sucking you dry.
But what do you do? You keep on trying!
You chase that feeling because you’re so damn close to the finish line that giving up seems stupid. Like your efforts will be completely lost.
Stop Getting Dating Advice From “Helpful” Friends…
It's tempting to turn to another mutual friend for advice, but resist…
Because even though your friends might mean well–they might also try to protect you from feeling hurt.
So a good friend might not be 100% honest with you… or he might even be jealous of your dating success.
And as a result, if you ask them for advice that will get you out of the friend zone, what they tell you may not always be the most helpful information….
Forge forward alone, but with these key tips to guide you:
The Friend Zone Fallacy
Persistence is key — but not if you persist with the same thing.
Here’s a quote from a respected leader you’ve probably heard of:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
–Albert Einstein (1879-1955), German physicist and Nobel Prize winner
So if you keep buying her dinner…
Taking her shopping…
And doing everything for her…
Expecting her to wake up one morning and ravage you…
…it’s a bit like playing baseball with a tennis racket and deciding that if you play for 10 hours a day, you can go pro.
And it’s very difficult to escape the friend zone.
Now, I’m not saying you’re crazy for trying to escape the friend zone — not by a long shot.
The feeling of being that close is almost like having an addiction. It’s intoxicating. And it’s hard to stop when you’re right there.
This is what I call the “Friend Zone Fallacy.” It’s very similar to the sunk cost fallacy:
A sunk cost is something you invested (your time, for example) that you can never get back. You spent it. It’s gone.
So let’s say you buy a movie ticket because it was on sale. But when it comes time to go to the movie, you don’t really feel like going anymore.
But you still end up going, because you already bought the ticket — and so not going would be a waste, right?
Wrong! You know you won’t have a good time at the movie, so by going, you are actively making your life worse.
In the same way, all that “work” you’ve invested to try to make her want you so far?
It’s also making your life worse.
You’ve been spinning your wheels doing the exact wrong thing so far.
Don’t worry–it’s not your fault.
In fact, few men know even a little bit of the right things to do to escape the friend zone and make her your lover.
So with that in mind, here’s a step-by-step blueprint if you’re stuck in the friend zone, to escape the friend zone.
Use this, and eventually, you may notice the object of your affection getting “flirtier” with you.
She may start touching you playfully, and letting her hand linger an extra second or two…
Not only that, but by the end of this article, you’ll know exactly how to turn this newfound “sexual attention” into full-on sex.
So let’s get started:
1) How to Survive the Friend Zone
If you plan on getting out at all, the first thing you have to do is survive it.
You have to be able to stand up to the challenge of watching the woman or women you want choose other people over you — and that challenge can be painful and frustrating.
It’s like Darwin’s theory of evolution. If you outlive and outlast the others while evolving and adapting to her environment….
You will survive.
But the question is: Will you still want her?
You won’t know unless you do everything possible to find out.
That’s why I’m going to show you an unusual test you can give her to help you figure out if this is really the right woman for you…
This test won’t cost you anything other than your time and energy. Plus, it will help with your own personal growth — and women love a man who’s into self-development.
So channel your frustration, and get ready to find out once and for all if your efforts have been worth the struggle.
Let’s revisit a story you probably heard in your childhood: The tortoise and the hare.
Remember what happens?
The tortoise was slow, fat and ugly…
But he ended up beating the overzealous, arrogant, and presumptuous hare because he kept going at the pace he knew was comfortable for him.
A key concept to remember in surviving the friend zone is that it’s not always the strongest and the most handsome men who survive…
But it’s the smartest and most persistent who end up outlasting her idea of the “ideal man” and winning her over.
Every woman has her version of the “ideal man,” even though deep inside she knows he doesn’t exist.
Her “ideal man” is not perfect, but he will be perfect for her.
You, on the other hand, have to figure out if she is perfect for you.
Why? Well, you might think you know what she’ll be like in a relationship because you’re friends with her…
But the truth is that she might be completely different in reality. You have to assess her and figure out if the effort and time you’ll be putting into surviving the friend zone will be worth it.
At the absolute minimum, you have to make sure she is accessible to you. This is what I like to call having virtual access.
By virtual access, I mean she must receive and respond to some level of your attention via text messages…
You get the point.
If you don’t have her in virtual reality, then you’ve already lost her.
If that’s the case, my advice is to accept your situation and move on.
If, on the other hand, you aren’t sure if you have true virtual access, then you need to do the “Phone Call Test.”
2) Use This “Phone Call Test” to Tell if You Can Get Out of the Friend Zone
Here’s how to give her the Phone Call Test:
Call her with the intention of seeing how she is and let her know you were just thinking about her.
You could say something like, “Hey, what’s up? I’m just calling to see how your week is going…”
“Hey, how are you? How was [that event/movie/bar she mentioned to you the last time you saw her]?”
If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of calling her just to see how she is, then you can ask her to go grab a coffee, tea, or a smoothie…
But this is not the ultimate purpose of your call.
The purpose is to see if you have access to her.
In order to survive the friend zone, this access is essential.
I know you’re already frustrated as hell about the fact that you’re even in the friend zone, but trust me — it’s better to take these small steps than it is to just go in for the kiss one random night.
Here’s the thing: She must take your phone calls, emails, and texts if you want to get out of the friend zone.
So if you call her once a week, and she picks up your calls, then she has passed the Phone Call Test.
And if she doesn’t…it’s time to move on.
3) If You Pass This Test… Here’s Your Next Step…
If she passes the test, then you’re in good shape.
The next thing you want to do is establish your relationship.
A friendship is already a kind of relationship, but you want to establish that something more can exist.
If you’re able to stick around as her friend without her dropping off the face of the earth, then you do have some type of connection.
This is good, because as time and experience has proven, it’s very possible for friends to become lovers.
The truth is that if you want love…
You’ll never get there by staying in the friend zone with her.
You want to take your relationship to the next level.
In order to do that, you need to become her go-to person.
The go-to person is the person of choice for specific activities.
When she’s in the mood for an activity she enjoys, you want to become the first person she asks to join her.
If she currently has a boyfriend (and if he’s a good one), then he will be joining her in these activities…
But in many cases, like if he doesn’t enjoy the activity or is just not present, then you can become that go-to person.
A Quick Note About Women in Relationships…
If you’re trying to get out of the friend zone with a woman who’s spoken for, it’s not impossible…
But my advice to you is that there are tons of other women who are single and looking for love, so don’t spend your valuable time trying to get there with her unless you know the relationship is dying and it’s just a matter of time before it’s kaput.
Go out and approach other women — if only just to practice and focus on your own personal development.
So how do you become that go-to person?
How to Become Her Go-To Person and Build Her Desire for You
There are two foolproof things you can do to become her go-to person and help open her eyes to see you in a new, more romantic light.
a) Be available.
Most women, when they figure out what they want, know when they want it and who they want to do it with.
The woman you’re stuck in the friend zone with is no different.
This doesn’t mean you need to be available to her at all times.
But, you might only get one window of opportunity, so if she calls you at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning to go hiking, and you’re really hungover…
You should suck it up and do it.
Especially if her boyfriend is busy or otherwise won’t be joining.
If you have a chance for some “alone time” with her, you should jump all over it.
b) Enjoy the activity.
There is no sense in doing this activity if you don’t sincerely like it.
I know I just told you that you have to say “yes” to her no matter what (like if you have a massive hangover), but you also need to sincerely enjoy the activity at least a little.
Women are incredibly perceptive, so if you’re completely faking it, it will only get you in trouble.
First, when she invites you to do an activity with her, you need to tell her you’d love to join her.
Secondly, you need to actively participate in planning the activity.
She might have an idea of what she wants to do when she calls or texts you…
But if you suggest or tweak her plan in an interesting way, then this will excite her and motivate her to want to do more activities with you.
So when she calls you, say you’d love to join her, and do a little research about the activity.
For example, if she invites you to go check out a new bar, use Yelp to look up other bars in the nearby area.
You can suggest grabbing a drink at another bar after the first bar — this not only allows you to have new experiences together, but it puts you in control of the situation.
You will become valuable to her because you know things.
The more activities you do with her, the more likely you are to become her go-to person and eventually escape the friend zone.
Remember, your goal is to establish a new kind of relationship with her.
And while these two steps are easy enough, there is something you have to look out for…
The Dangerous Tightrope You Have to Walk…
You want this woman to desire you and to want you as much as you want her, right?
Becoming her go-to person will get you more time with her…
But it could also neuter you into becoming one of her “girlfriends.” Which you DO NOT want.
You want to belong to her intimate circle of friends — the ones who go out with her:
If this list looks to you like activities she’d do with her boyfriend, that’s because they are!
You’re just not getting any of the status or benefits that come along with the title — that’s something you have to work toward.
Evolution happens over time. You have to remember that this is a long game if you want to succeed. Channel your frustration into motivation to take it to the next level with her.
It’s hard, but it’s something you have to do.
If she notices you’re becoming short or frustrated with her, she’ll be confused and will think it’s because she did something wrong.
This will encourage her to spend LESS time with you, moving you completely backward in your progress.
4) Easily Boost Her Sexual Attraction For You
Once you’re in this “go to” circle of people for her to hang out with, then you can focus on increasing her sexual desire for you.
The easiest way to do that is create a situation where you are surrounded by women that find you desirable.
Invite her out to a bar, park, or bloc party where there will be attractive women that you know are into you.
Once she sees other attractive women flirting with you, she will immediately start seeing you in a different way.
Rather than just seeing you as your buddy, she will start seeing you as a desirable, high-value man.
5) The Missing Link Between “Just Friends” and “Way More”…
Once she starts seeing you as a desirable man it’s important to spark her curiosity.
Because if you can make her curious about you, then she’ll want — or in her mind, need — to know more about you.
You want to make her think things like:
- “What does he mean…?”
- “I have to know more…”
- “I wonder what he’s going to do next…”
- “What is he thinking about me…?”
Because when a woman wonders these things about you, she’s not just going to up and leave — she’ll want answers.
And she’ll stick around for as long as she needs to get those answers.
Here’s an example of what this looks like in action:
Let’s say you’re hanging out with a female friend you’re interested in, and she goes to the bathroom. When she comes back, try saying:
You: “Hey, can I ask you something that’s gonna sound…odd?”
You: “This is weird. I actually missed you while you were in the bathroom. You hijacked my brain somehow. How did you do that so quickly? I can’t even talk to you anymore! [turn away]”
Like the plot of a good movie, you’re creating new questions in her mind — and that translates into curiosity. So you know she’ll stick around…
And from there, the next step is to turn her curiosity into romantic interest.
Unfortunately, women tend not to take this action on their own. They’re used to waiting for romantic interest to just “happen” (even though you and I know that isn’t the case).
So it’s going to be up to you to turn her curiosity into something more.
And here’s my powerful 3-step method to accomplish just that:
6) Use Your Words
The next step to sparking her sexual interest is to use your words to plant the image of the two of you together in her mind.
It’s sort of like “priming” her for what’s going to happen later.
Because if she’s already thought about the two of you in bed…then the odds that she’ll reject you go way, way down.
The best way to accomplish this is to be as flirtatious with her as possible.
Try pointing out things you like about her body in a subtle way. For example, if she’s wearing a belt, you could say,
“That’s a nice belt — it really accentuates your tiny waist.”
“You’re so lucky to have such great skin.”
When you say things like that, she’ll automatically recognize you as a masculine presence, and that will make her excited about — and interested in — her interactions with you.
Which brings me to the next step…
7) Use the Power of Suggestion
The power of suggestion is one of the most useful weapons in your arsenal when it comes to building a woman’s sexual interest.
For example, if she says, “It’s on the tip of my tongue!”…
You could respond,
“You said it’s on the tip of your tongue? Let me see…”
Here, you’re suggesting a literal interpretation that brings attention to her body — and that’s something she’ll pick up on.
Another way to use the power of suggestion is to say something like, “For a second there, I thought you were gonna kiss me.”
The reason why this works so well is because even though you haven’t kissed this woman yet, when you say the words “you were gonna kiss me,” she immediately gets an image of the two of you kissing in her head.
And if there’s any attraction whatsoever between the two of you, that image will stick. And it will make her want to actually kiss you.
Here’s another example:
“I like when you look at me like that.”
In her mind, she’ll be wondering, “Like what? What does he mean? Does he like me?”
So you’re showing her that you a) like what she’s doing, and b) are aware of the connection the two of you have.
So once you’ve sparked her curiosity, kept her interested, and brought attention to the connection you have, there’s only one thing left to do…
8) Use This “Friends Into Lovers” Touch Technique to Turn Her On
By now, she might start to have feelings for you naturally.
Once you’re hanging out with her…
Starting to get her mind wandering about you…
And increasing her desire for you…
The final secret ingredient to make her yours is simple:
It’s a really subtle, “harmless” touch that, when you do it for long enough, works to turn her on really quickly.
And once that happens, if you’re alone with her (you’re alone with her, right?)… it makes her crave sex right then-and-there.
So even if she’s “taken,” there’s a good chance she’ll throw it all away to be with you (and only you).
Because this Touch Technique is so powerful, its creator, my friend and mentor, named Magic, has gotten all sorts of angry emails, phone calls, and even outright threats for developing this technique…
But he wanted committed men like you to have access to it so that you can make the object of their affection yours.
To see a short, free video showing you exactly how to use this “Friends Into Lovers” Touch Technique, click the link below now:
P.S. – Because of all of those threatening calls and emails, Magic may take this short, free video at any time. So watch it through to the end to get the “Friends Into Lovers” Touch Technique while you still can…
[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on August 18, 2020.]