How To Stop Being Nervous Around Women & Start Getting Laid–No Matter How Shy Or Introverted You Are Right Now…
I’m going to ask you a question that’s going to seem a little silly.
I hope, though, that when I explain why I’m asking it, what I mean and why it’s not silly… you’ll agree with me, and also get value from the discussion.
And the question is:
Where are you?
“Well, I'm right here David, I'm right here.”
Isn't it obvious?
Well, it should be, I'll grant you that. For most people, the most obviously true thing in their world is that the present moment is the only one they have, and that their present location is their true location.
It's also, by the way, the only moment and location at which and on which they can exercise control.
Seems obvious, I'll grant you that.
But why is it, then, that when I'm telling a guy who swears he wants to get better at meeting people–to go over and say “this,” he's telling me about “what's she gonna say?”
And “then what will l do next?”
And “what if she says ‘x' or ‘why?'”
Or “my apartment is a mess,” or “I don’t have condoms!”
It’s either that or some guy who–after three sessions and the first phone number he’s ever gotten (last week!) from a woman he wasn’t introduced to AND a second date–is telling me:
“She’s a wannabe actress–just like my ex–and you can tell by the way she dresses that looks matter. She’s a cheater.”
Are You Analyzing the Situation Or Overthinking It? (Here’s Why It Matters Around Women)
Either he’s living in the future, or he’s living in the past.
Worry is in the future.
When he’s worrying about what he’s going to say next, or what the next move will be, or what’ll happen if EVERYTHING GOES WELL and they end up at his place… he’s living in the future, and finding his problems there.
Regret is in the past.
When he’s jaded and making decisions based on his previous girlfriend or his wife or his mother or his buddy’s divorce… he’s living in the past.
Before you start to sputter,“But David! You’re the one who told me to be prepared for what’s coming!”
“Are you saying I can’t learn from the past? Didn’t you tell me ‘that time wasn’t wasted because I learned something?’”
Preparing for the future, and learning from the past are not about LIVING THERE.
The point is not to trade suffering in the present for memories that cause suffering or expectations that cause suffering.
The Point Is to Get the Best Out of Every Moment–And You MUST Stay Present to Pull This Off…
Getting the best out of every moment is the point.
When you watch a child–so many lessons about how to live can be learned from children–you can see that they are in the present.
The laughter, the swift recovery from tears, their fearlessness and boldness are all signs that they are in the present moment, unencumbered by worry or regret.
Parents try to teach them regret as a method of control.
“No. I’m not getting you another one. You broke yours. You have to learn to be careful with your things.”
“Wait till your father comes home!”
OR living in the future:
“Be good, and tomorrow I’ll give you a candy.”
Perhaps this is how you developed worry and regret and living in the past or the future or somewhere you just are not.
Fortunately, there’s no reason to go back and figure it out or discover who to blame for some personality feature we’re about to get rid of.
Figuring out why something is the way it is can be a really smart way to get value from the past.
Learning from your past experience to set goals and outline desires can be a brilliant way to increase your enjoyment of (and in) the future.
Rumination is GREAT if you are ruminating on things that make you feel good. Otherwise, it’s a dreadful use of time.
Doubly dumb, because you are missing the present AND making yourself unhappy.
Regret and worry, however, are ways to leverage the future and past to increase your dissatisfaction in the present! Definitely a bad use of time.
“…But I can’t help it, David!”
How To Stop Worry & Regret Once And For All…
It’s funny… after all of that, maybe you’d like to change this habit.
Perhaps you want, now, to get rid of this tendency to ruminate on bad expectations (worry) or prior undesired outcomes (regret).
In fact, a good way to recognize rampant worry in your life is insomnia. Usually people have trouble sleeping because they are thinking thoughts which don’t really benefit them, but do keep them awake–i.e. worry, or regret.
“So what’s funny!?”
What’s funny is that the entire time I’ve been talking about it, I’ve also been hinting at ways to get rid of it, but you probably didn’t notice them.
You can change your future thought (regrets) into memories of things you like, or your fear of undesired outcomes (worry) into expecting things you enjoy, but the best “trick” of it is to get present.
There are many ways, but the children I’ve been talking about teach most of the good ones.
Focus on something (especially something you like) that is right here, right now.
If you are trying to sleep, then focusing on something relaxing is best. The hum of the air conditioner, a spot on the ceiling, the feeling of the bed against your body are all good distractions that keep your mind present without being overstimulated.
Logically recognizing that you are currently in the past or present or some other physical location than where you actually are can often help, too.
Here’s The 9-Word Line That Eliminates Anxiety (& Boosts Your Odds of Getting Laid)…
“Worrying is not going to help, self. Drop it.”
Another way to come back to the present comes in the instructions I always give:
Reduce the escalation points.
Instead of thinking what’s going to happen in an hour, think of what’s going to happen in 5 minutes, or what’s going to happen right now.
“I don’t have a condom” is an unnecessary thought until and unless you are at home, which is also a different location, probably one or two hopeful hours away. Replace it with:
“I need to kiss her.”
And if THAT’s too far in the future (i.e. you don’t know when or how you’re going to kiss her) then:
“Can I touch her?”
And if THAT’s too far in the future (i.e. you don’t know when or how you can touch her) then:
“Can I get closer to her?”
That's the key to always working toward getting her in bed.
And here's how it gets you laid a LOT faster:
Your Words Won’t Get Her Naked & On Top of You In Bed (Though THIS Will)…
There’s a big problem I see with guys out there…
They care more about being funny, and witty around a woman, than actually being “in the moment” with her…
… which is great if you’re a comedian trying to get a laugh, but it’s not going to get you laid.
There are three places in particular you can touch a woman that SEEM very friendly and casual… (perfect for when you first meet a girl)…
Though in reality these are pretty sensitive areas… and when you touch these spots it helps lower her shield, so she lets her guard down…
… while also turning her on more and more by the second.
That's why it truly does NOT matter what you say or talk about with her…
You can talk about your favorite sports team… TV show… or even the freakin’ weather…
DOES. NOT. MATTER.
Because when you do… AND you use these 3 touches in the right order (the right order is crucial)…
She’ll giggle a lot more… she’ll start touching you back…
And she’ll give you those “f**k me” eyes that mean she wants you to take her RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW!