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A couple weeks ago, I was on a date with a Spanish woman and I spilled something red on my white shirt.
I don’t remember what it was–tomato sauce… red wine… blood??
Ruined.
My date said, “Oh! Wash it off right away!”
Yeah, right.
I’ve had this kind of thing happen and I immediately put the thing to soak, or spray stain remover on it, or even throw it in a washing machine.
No advancement of science and technology has solved this problem.
“Here give me,” she continued. I did, and I watched as she put normal hand soap on it and rubbed the fabric against itself.
The stain did look weaker, so I watched this magic act unfold.
She rinsed it under the water and then rubbed more soap on it. Then she began scrubbing it against itself again.
The third time she rinsed it, the red mark was gone.
I was amazed.
This amazing trick, which I started to call “Scrubby Scrubby,” was particularly amazing because I already KNEW that it wouldn’t work. I had already tried everything and KNEW that this was an unsolvable problem.
I had even looked up solutions and products and recommendations, and I had exhausted enough options to know that this couldn’t be fixed.
Despite all that certainty, she took my shirt and without buying anything, paying anyone, mixing chemicals or firing up any machinery she solved this unsolvable problem in less than three minutes.
I thought of this recently because a client was telling me what would and wouldn’t work with a potential romantic partner.
“If I say that, then I’m going to get this response…”
The certainty was so high.
“You’ve tried this before?” I asked, surprised.
“I mean, no–it’s obvious. I know…”
“No, it IS obvious,” I interrupted, “but it’s wrong.”
Here’s what to do with external information (and why it’ll get you laid MUCH more):
You Have to Focus on What Works (Here’s What I Mean)…
You may not remember my recommendation of the three questions to ask after an interaction–or any attempt of a new skill as you are learning it:
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1) What Went Right?
Everyone tends to look at what went wrong, which is demoralizing, discouraging, inaccurate and also relives and rehearses the wrong moments and actions.
In other words, if it felt bad when it happens, reviewing it tends to feel bad again–maybe not as bad, but definitely not great.
Instead, relive the highlights.
Continue to reinforce that “this” works, and “that” works and when I do “x” I get a good result.
You may not be any more accurate than when you decide that doing “y” or “z” is definitely doomed to failure.
The difference is that thinking you know what works encourages another attempt, while thinking you know what doesn’t work discourages a similar attempt and even discourages other completely different attempts.
Incidentally, the other two questions are:
2) How Would You Like it To Go?
Most people respond to that question with what went wrong:
“I’d like to not be so nervous.”
“I’d like her to be less standoff-ish”
“I wish I didn’t just keep talking and miss my window to kiss her!”
“I regret that I was so complainy–I probably made myself unattractive.”
The victory of this question is won, however, when you answer with what you want to happen, rather than what you want to not happen. See what that looks like.
“I’d like to be calm.”
“I’d like her to be engaged and into me.”
“I wish I leaned in and kissed her when I saw the window.”
“I want to be more positive–I think it makes me more attractive.”
If it’s not obvious, the difference is that the latter version lets you see in your mind–and even feel if you let imagination take you–what it’s like when things go the way you would like.
So question one attempts to relive the best moments, and question two helps you prelive even better moments.
3) How Are You Going to Change It?
Question three is “how are you going to change it,” which encourages planning and rehearsing the adjusted behavior that offers an improved result.
The point–and those three questions serve to demonstrate this point in a different context–is that you cannot know what doesn’t work.
How Do You Prove That Something DOESN’T Work?
Can you see that?
You CAN prove that something does work. All you have to do is do it, and if it works at all–even once–then that proves it.
How do you prove that something doesn’t work?
If you do it and it doesn’t work–does that prove that it doesn’t work?
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For years it was believed that a four minute mile was impossible.
Roger Bannister did it anyway in the spring of 1954 (after visualizing it to believe it was possible) and barely a year later, someone else did it too.
Everyone–including the people who couldn’t do it–believed that they and others were proving again and again that it was not possible.
Until it suddenly was possible.
The year after the second person did it, several people did.
Certainty Does Not Equal Truth–And Here’s How That Will Get You Laid Much Faster…
The other point is that feeling certain about something definitely correlates with it being true.
When you know that something is true, you feel a certain way–a way that is labeled certainty.
If you think about “water is wet” or “fire is hot” or “the sun will rise tomorrow” you can recognize this ‘certainty’ for yourself.
Unfortunately you can also feel that same feeling–certainty–for things that are not absolutely true.
There’s no reason for your mind to differentiate so finely as to separate the almost certainly true things from the absolutely true things.
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If you think about the number of planets or your father’s name you probably feel that feeling of certainty. The former is under dispute, however, and the latter is only a matter of convention and hearsay.
Now I am not telling you to doubt your truths.
I am only suggesting that you remove your limitations (your can’ts and shouldn’ts) from your truths.
Don’t worry about what doesn’t work.
Focus on what does:
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Like I said, you can prove something works if you try it and have success with it once…
However, I know this isn’t always an ideal option, because yes… it opens you up to the possibility of rejection.
(Especially if you haven’t tried that particular strategy before, or haven’t seen another guy use it in real life.)
BUT… there is a way to wildly limit your chances of rejection… and it’s by using the proven strategies that work most of the time, on almost all women.
How do you do this?
It’s really simple…
And honestly I wish I had done this a lot sooner, because it seems like a no-brainer.
You just do what the successful guys do… because about 20% of guys out there, end up getting 80% of the women.
(By the way… it’s not like these guys all have model good-looks or fat wallets… PLENTY of men who get laid are totally average, or even “broke artist” types…)
And while that means most men have to settle for women they’re not excited about, or aren’t compatible with… the 20% of successful men?
They tend to get their pick of whichever woman (or women) they want.
So follow the proven strategies the successful guys use… and get laid like the successful guys.
Simple concept, right?
Though I know in practice, this is often easier said than done.
After all, you aren’t going to follow around guys who are good with women with a notebook and pencil… furiously scribbling down notes…
So instead I urge you to check out this short list of 3 strategies the successful guys SWEAR by to get laid… AKA the legendary “Hookup Blueprint”:
P.S. I had no idea texting a girl these 3 letters ups your odds of sleeping with her by 28%… did you??
