How To Build Attraction Fast Using My Dead-Simple Conversation Openers That Literally Any Guy Can Use…
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So, I spent a lot of time telling you what not to do, when meeting another woman for the first time.
In other words, we’ve talked about how the opening conversation shouldn’t go.
Don’t talk about work…
Avoid questions…
Don’t talk about TV…
No polarizing topics…
Don’t stay on ANY topic long–even if it is something you have in common.
Well, what DO you do?
I’ve taken away most of the common conversational hiding places, so what’s left? (Oh, and how could I do that to you??)
That’s what I’m going to show you today.
The Sad Truth About 99% of First Conversations Men Have With Women…
Let’s agree right now that most conversations are not amazing.
Most first interactions are not memorable or exciting or even effective.
Let’s also admit that you don’t need to observe or research or overhear other people’s conversations.
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If you’re like most people, your own conversations are a sufficient sample set to know that what I’m saying is true.
If everyone is doing it, it’s probably not that great.
But what can you do about it, anyway?
Here’s How You Actually Have an Interesting (& Effective) First Conversation…
Here’s how you actually go about having an interesting, effective first conversation.
To start with, the search for points to connect on is still valid. I just want you to use that information differently.
First, start as unconnected and uninterested as you can.
The first sentences–yours and hers–are completely unimportant.
What matters is what you do right after. We’ll talk about opening another day, but just to get past that, I’ll give you 3 canned openers and one opening generator.
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1) “Hey guys, you know if Karl is working?” I love this, because you can use it anywhere.
2) “Hi… are you here for Kristi’s party?”
3) “Hey, sorry, do you know what DJ/Band/Singer (etc.) is playing upstairs/in the back/downstairs/later?”
OR you can ask another fake question based on the situation:
“You guys are French/Artists/Native New Yorkers/Having a great time?”
The Game Begins With Her Response–But What You Say Next Matters Even More…
Remember that that opener does NOT start the game. Her response does–when you use it.
You are looking to shift the conversation from rote formal predictable conversation, to a conversation based on that person specifically.
So for example, let’s say they reply:
“No, we are from South Africa…”
Your response is not just verbal. More importantly, you respond emotionally. Some of the most attractive emotional responses include:
1) Surprise.
“Wow–even your accent is Frenchy!” Or, “Oooh! No! You’re too sweet and friendly to be French!”
2) Suspicion/Doubt.
“Yeah right! Your accent is SO Frenchy!” Or, “Come on. You think I’m gonna buy that ‘sweet and friendly’ act!?”
3) MOCK/Gentle Disappointment.
“I knew it. Ugh. It’s smart you pretend to be South African despite that accent.” Or, “Nice. Not just French, but sweet and friendly, too.”
That response actually starts the game.
Why?
The real conversation could start naturally, but you’ll see that when it does, it’s when you STOP responding to one another predictably and formally and begin actually interacting based on your individual personalities.
“Are you telling me I have to be REAL, David??” You may be wondering…
No. You can be, but no, you don’t have to do anything.
I’m telling you, however, that you are going to “seem” real, by shifting–sooner rather than later–from the conversation to the person; from the surface to the undercurrent.
You make that shift by emotionally responding.
Your words can be part of it, but the emotion is paramount–to the actual person. This can happen later in the conversation, but you can also do it almost immediately, like after the first response
What REALLY Holds a Woman’s Attention When You’re Talking To Her?
Note that your emotion is paramount.
Making your comment in monotone or without shifting emotion may work, but it does not hold a woman’s attention.
The emotional shift holds her attention and makes her more curious about the emotional narrative than about the words you’re saying.
“…without shifting emotion…” What does that mean?
That means that just like there’s no subject that’s interesting enough to dominate the first conversation…
… there is also NO EMOTION that’s riveting enough for that job.
1) Shake It Up
This is counterintuitive for most guys.
No matter what the emotion–compatibility, love, lust, excitement, curiosity, connection, teamwork–there’s no feeling that suffices for an entire first interaction.
Shift topic often (we’re going for seven topics) and shift emotion about half as often.
You don’t need to actually use three or four (even more can be better), but CHANGE is important.
Conversation going really well?
You need the takeaway.
“What?! You’ve never heard of Nina Simone? Nice meeting you. I can’t even talk to you!”
Look away for at least three beats.
If the conversation is really going well, SHE should jump in here with something like, “So… are you a musician?”
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2) Change Topics–Change Emotion
Two things happen in a conversation when you hit several topics (all the better if you sounded good during each) and a bunch of feelings.
a) “We talked about everything!”
It doesn’t feel like you had a list of things you covered, rather (if it’s done any way but horribly) it feels as though no matter what came up, you guys had things to say and things to learn about it.
b) “It was so interesting!”
While for you, factual–especially useful–information about different topics is super interesting, for a lot of people, a shifting landscape of feelings is endlessly, addictively, satisfyingly interesting.
If you look at modern TV, (I know, breaking my OWN rule!) like J.J.Abrams and The Walking Dead, you’ll see that the main addictive feature is the emotional turn–especially when it’s unpredictable.
(Feeling happy? Here’s some sad. Like this guy? Now he’s dead. Everything seems safe? Flip the script!)
And if you can keep a woman interested in you like this, then sleeping with her becomes a whole lot easier… and almost inevitable.
Here’s how:
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I want to let you in on a little secret…
Hot girls aren’t nearly as picky as you might think.
And while I won’t sit here and tell you that EVERY single hot girl you talk to is going to want to bang your brains out…
… there are quite a few hot girls who will take one look at you and think, “Yeah, I’d go home with him at the end of the night”… all before the conversation even starts.
How do I know this?
Well I’m a relationship coach, I’ve observed hundreds of guys over the years…
… and two things I can tell you are that 1) women are VERY subtle about how they show they’re interested in you…
… and 2) most men simply don’t know how to spot the signs a woman is horny and into them.
That’s why these openers and replies sometimes result in “dead end” conversations… a lot of guys use them on women who aren’t that interested to begin with.
But if you use these techniques on women who you KNOW are already interested in you… then you’re gonna get laid a LOT more, using a LOT less effort.
It’s a win-win, my friend:
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