How to Do Valentine’s Day Right With A Girl You’ve Been Seeing Less Than a Year

Valentine's Day Less than One Year
Photo Courtesy Sarah Wood (CC BY 2.0)

Don’t Overdo Valentine’s Day…

Most guys probably think that Valentine’s Day is a great holiday where two people can celebrate their love and relationship together.

Unfortunately, these days I think Valentine’s Day is more about entitlement and inequality favoring women.

I can only speak for myself, but I would love nothing more than for relationships to be equal in all aspects.

I would love it if men lived up to their traditional masculine roles and women lived up to their traditional feminine roles, and both parties recognized the value and meaning in long-term commitment and love.

Maybe deep-down I’m still a romantic at heart, but the harsh reality of the way relationships really play-out, and the “always looking for something better” behavior exhibited by women tends to keep me on my toes, and constantly slaps me back into reality.

Are You Giving Too Much Away?

valentine's empty pockets
Photo Courtesy Dan Moyle (CC BY 2.0)

I personally am a giver–a huge giver! I love to give. Nothing makes me feel better than to give to the people whom I love and who have been there for me in my life.

But unfortunately in relationships, giving unconditionally, frequently, and undeservedly usually has the opposite effect you would think that it would.

In fact, you should probably only give if the person deserves your kindness. If you give when she is undeserving, you are only enabling her to act in ways which you feel are inappropriate more often.

Essentially you are rewarding bad behavior that doesn’t serve the relationship. The same goes for women who give to men who are undeserving.

Your giving and kindness has less value in her eyes as it becomes more expected and a normal part of your everyday behavior. She will start to feel as though she can act anyway she wants and despite her actions, you will still give and give and give.

As a result she will become less and less satisfied/fulfilled with your generosity, lose respect, attraction and become more entitled. There’s no motivation for her to better herself and the relationship if this occurs! You will also start to be viewed as “Beta” and a “push-over.”

Women are more attracted to a man who has a strong masculine core and a man who doesn’t sway from his ideals and beliefs. Men who can’t be pushed around or manipulated always get more respect and admiration from their female followers!

Back to Valentine’s Day… this post is hopefully going to give you an idea as to what you should or should not do depending on the level of commitment you share with your girl.

Ultimately it’s up to you and you can do whatever you like but I do believe there should be some solid guidelines and principles you should follow depending on the situation you are currently in.

My Own Valentine’s Day Story

I’ll start of by giving you an example of what I’m doing for Valentines Day and more importantly what I’m NOT doing.

I’ve been seeing someone for about 2 1/2 months now. About 2 weeks ago we were comparing schedules. I leave town quite a bit and when I was giving her my future schedule, her whole face lit-up like a Christmas tree.

She said, “Oh, so you’re going to be here on Valentines Day?”

“Am I? I haven’t even thought of that? What day is that again?” I said.

She said, “YES (with a huge smile) you’ll be here and it’s the 14th!”

I said, “Awwwww… Was that your way of asking me to be your Valentine? (while laughing).”

“You’re a jerk!” and she dropped the conversation.

I love how she had to chase me for Valentines Day. Honestly, if she hadn’t, I would NEVER have even contemplated seeing her that day.

For me it seems a little too soon and may convey a boyfriend/girlfriend vibe, but on the other hand, at this point I have a feeling that since she brought it up, if I don’t hang with her, it’ll do some damage. She really is starting to develop strong feelings for me.

So, I was left with a decision…

But before I made that decision, I decided to wait and see if she pressed the issue again.

She may have been just testing me, and had no real intention of seeing me that day. This was about 2 weeks ago. I wanted to figure out for myself if Valentines Day was going to be an issue for her.

My hunch (of course) was correct! She asked me 3 more times in person about Valentine’s Day and each time I made a funny remark.

She was pushing for it.

Her last remark came via text message, “What’s the VERDICT for Valentines Day? xoxo”!

That was the 4th time she asked. Yup, she was serious!

What She Really Wants For Valentine’s Day…

valentine's blindfold
Photo Courtesy Alejandro Dagnino (CC BY-NC 2.0)

Here’s where my thinking was at this point:

I figured that it would do some damage to our relationship if I didn’t hang with her. But the very fact that if I did the typical V-Day, gift, movie, dinner, sex, etc., she would get a BF/GF vibe, which I want to avoid as I’m not sure what I want from her at this point.

What I do know is that I like what we have and don’t want ruin that either.

So, I decided that I would do half of the normal V-Day shenanigans. I replied to her text… “We can hang but I will NOT do dinner.”

She replied, “YES, DINNER!”.

I said, “NOPE! We’ll order in.”

She said, “Ok. I’m just glad we’re doing something!”.

That was easy! I decided that I’m going to order 50 Shades of Grey and as a gift buy her Ben-Wa-Balls and a blindfold made out of silk. She’s mentioned how she fantasizes about a man putting those balls inside of her and she’s in love with the book 50 Shades of Grey.

She loves to be severely dominated and is very open to anything in the bedroom. A night of extreme pleasure and passion is perfect.

I figured that I would keep Valentine’s Day very sexual. On one hand, she gets to enjoy me on that day, but on the other hand I’m doing and saying nothing that will give her the idea that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. A happy medium if you will.

In her mind, she will rationalize this as “he must like me to be spending that day with me, but he still must not be 100% sure about me yet because I didn’t get a card, flowers or dinner.”

Which is exactly the truth! A close friend of mine also had the same dilemma about Valentine’s Day and his situation closely mimics mine…

…except she hasn’t asked him about Valentines day but is 100% waiting for him to do so.

The advice I gave him was very much the same as what I did, except I told him to show up at her work (which he frequently does) and just give her a gift card from Victoria’s Secret and say, “Valentines Day 8pm, my house!”

We decided that an evening in with wine, lingerie and a nice home-cooked meal would melt her heart. Very romantic but not in a typical way that most guys would think of.

My advice is to you is to do exactly what I am doing if you are in a relationship that’s less than a year old, even if you are now monogamous. Make Valentine’s Day a night of sexual celebration and not a celebration of the relationship, yet. If she’s the “one” there will be plenty more Valentine’s Days for you to celebrate in a different manner.

Don’t Go Over-the-Top

She will respect you more, I promise! Doing too much too early in the relationship whether or not it’s on Valentine’s Day will only show her that you’re trying to win her over with your time and money, and not winning her over with who you really are!

You can’t buy the love of someone else and this is a mistake that most men will make with a woman that he really likes, especially on a day like V-Day. You have to let the relationship grow naturally and organically first! You can’t buy a relationship!

If you are in a serious LTR (long term relationship), Valentine’s Day should be a celebration of your love, sex, and commitment that you share on an equal or almost equal level.

In the past when I’ve been in relationships I would always discuss what was expected of each other for that day or days of special meaning. I would ask how much money she’s planning on spending or if she wanted things to be extravagant.

Oh, and I’ve never gotten a woman flowers on Valentines Day. I would much rather be unique than typical!

Is it ok to spend more money than your woman? Yes! Of course it is. But as a rule, you don’t want to do this too often or it will become expected by her and if you fall short of her expectations she’ll think that you don’t love or care for her as much.

It doesn’t make much sense, but let’s face it, women often do not make any rational sense. Get used to it.

Another thing, if you continually spend more money on gifts than her, she will be less inclined to spend more money on you! Why should she if you really think about it?

I hope this helps. Valentine’s Day and relationships can be tricky. As men, it’s our job to guide the relationship in the right direction, whatever that direction may be.

You always want to try and make the best and most informed decision you can at any given moment so that the relationship can grow into something that you and her will both value and cherish even if the relationship is just a casual one.

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