How to Build Confidence and Take On the World
Everyone from your friends, to family members, to strangers off the street says the same thing when it comes to getting girls:
“Just be confident.”
Really? Is that all?
It's easy to go around telling people to “be more confident.” It's not so easy to put that into practice.
But what if it was?
What if you easily knew how to build confidence within yourself at a moment's notice?
Just imagine for a second what life would be like if you had more confidence–true confidence. Knowing deep down that not only were you good enough, but that you were also capable of achieving your goals.
Even better yet, imagine what it would be like if deep in your core, you knew that regardless of what happened in your life, everything was going to work out.
You’re going to get the girl…you're going to get that raise…and you're going to live happily ever after on an island next to Richard Branson's.
So how do you do this?
Misconceptions About How Confidence Works
“I could do it if i just had more confidence.”
Have you ever said this to yourself? I’ve said it myself in the past, and I’ve heard countless students say the same.
The above quote is extremely important for you to understand because it has a major flaw. It represents why so few men understand confidence and what it takes to build it.
More specifically, it reveals the common misconception that confidence precedes action and not the other way around.
“I COULD do it if I had more confidence.”
However, you usually have to do something many times over before you start to feel confident. The quote, or more importantly the belief behind it, is severely flawed.
If confidence was a requirement before doing something, nothing would ever get done. We would never grow as a society and progress would come to a standstill. In order to improve, we MUST go into uncharted territory. Luckily, there is hope.
A few years ago, I began teaching a technique that I developed to override our natural instinct of fear. It has since allowed men to take action regardless of how scared they may have initially been.
I call this strategy The Lion Tamer Technique.
The Lion Tamer Technique
The Lion Tamer Technique all started while watching Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talkon body language and confidence.
Cuddy conducted a number of studies on the link between body language and confidence. She was able to explore this relationship by testing hormone levels in the blood, specifically measuring testosterone and cortisol.
Through her research, Amy was able to prove that the way you stand and the way you carry yourself impacts your feelings about yourself and your level of confidence on a biological level.
Your broad smile and straight posture has a direct, scientifically-proven impact on your confidence! (As do your slumped shoulders and shuffling feet).
But that's only part of the picture…
To understand the Lion Tamer Technique and dive deeper, we need to look to the lion tamer.
Imagine for a second that I’m a lion tamer and I was on vacation for the last week.
Unfortunately, I forgot to find someone brave enough to feed my lion while I was gone.
Needless to say, when I return, my lion isn't too happy. In fact, he tries to eat me!
When the lion attacks, I could respond in one of two ways:
The lion attacks and I hesitate.
What do you think happens?
Odds are, the lion eats me and that's the end of the story.
The lion attacks and I instantly (and expertly) crack my whip.
What do you think the lion does?
Odds are, the lion backs down.
While the lion may attack again, at least I survived the first round.
So what do the above scenarios have to do with confidence?
And more importantly, what do they have to do with confidence when talking to girls?
Most people think that in order to get the girl, there is a predetermined right thing to say, right way to act, and right way to look.
In reality, the majority of the time the “right” thing is determined in the moment during the interaction–not before the interaction, but during.
You've likely experienced this effect in action without even knowing it. Have you ever opened a girl with a line and had it work like a charm one time, only to have it completely flop the next time?
Think about the last time you tried to walk through a door at the same time as someone else.
What typically happens?
Usually both people pause and then whoever made the first move gets to go first.
In the second scenario above, the lion attacks but the outcome is determined by MY response to his action.
If I hesitate, the lion eats me right away. If I crack the whip, I live to see another day.
When you’re talking to a girl, this same dynamic plays itself out in every verbal interaction! Every time she says something, she will look to see how you respond.
If you seem unsure…
If you're looking to her for signs of validation…
Or if you're anything less than absolutely certain that what you are saying is the right thing to say…
She’ll eat you alive.
How to Act Confidently
The most powerful piece of the Lion Tamer Technique is that it challenges the idea of confidence as a prerequisite to action.
When I, the lion tamer, crack my whip as a starving lion is bearing down on me, how do you think I feel emotionally?
Scared. Terrified. And everything in between!
But regardless of how I feel on the inside, all that matters is how I act.
And the great news is that you also can act confidently. Remember what I said about Amy Cuddy above? About how your body biologically responds to how you're acting?
That means that by “acting” confidently, regardless of how you feel, you can produce the same effects as if you were actually confident!
While it would take another article to explain how exactly to “act confidently,” a great first step (and a necessary one if you want to take your dating game to the next level) is to simply start acting as if everything you say is amazing, perfect, and exactly what you need to say to get the girl.
Another way to look at it is that you need to be the first person to decide that what you are doing and saying is amazing and that you deserve the girl.
Otherwise, you'll never get her. No one else is going to come by and be like, “You know what? What you're doing and saying is amazing. You deserve that great girl over there–let me go help you two get to know each other!”
It just doesn't happen.
By acting confidently, something funny happens:
You begin to create a positive, self-reinforcing cycle.
We all instinctively know that acting confidently produces better results than acting unconfidently.
If you can at least ‘act’ confidently, you automatically improve your chances of success.
By acting confidently, girls will instantly start to respond better to you. When a girl responds positively, you’ll then start to actually feel more confident. This positive, self-reinforcing cycle is an amazing thing, but you have to start the cycle!
So now when you read the line “I could do it if I just had more confidence,” do you see how fatally flawed that thought process was from the start?
Action Steps to Build Confidence
Take 5 minutes to ask yourself “what does confidence look like?”
–How would you stand?
–How would you act?
–How would you respond to others?
–How would they respond to you?
Write your thoughts down in a journal. Then practice acting confidently in front of the mirror.
Once you’ve got a feel for it, take your newfound understanding of confidence and put it to use in the real world.
How to Build Confidence Using The Lion Tamer Technique
The Lion Tamer Technique can be applied in all social settings, from talking to girls, to the workplace, to hanging out with friends.
So now I have a question for you…
How have you used the Lion Tamer Technique? What was your experience like? Can you think of a time in the past when someone used the Lion Tamer Technique on you?