Finally, We Have the Answer To: Should I Text Her Before a Date? And if So, What Should I Say?
The other day, I got this text:
“It’s so lovely outside (heart eyes emoji) hope you’ve had a nice day ☺”
It made me laugh and then smile every time I looked at it. It wasn’t nice at all outside, and for her being such a sweet and bubbly girl, the sarcastic text hinted at how hard I’d fall for this girl.
She was so dynamic.
She sent this text only a few days after we’d rescheduled our second date. And it made me feel remembered, appreciated, and made me confident that she would not flake or ghost on our date.
I prefer to stay in contact with women regularly before dates, but finding a balance of regular conversation without insinuating that I’m some fun texting buddy with too much time on his hands takes some time.
Until you achieve that balance, follow this guide.
(Note: I have a particular texting style that resonates well with my personality. How I structure some of my texts might be awkward for your personality. Find a unique tone, punctuation, diction, and syntax that works for you.)
How and When Should You Keep in Touch With Her?
By the time you two have set up the second date, she is already projecting much more of an “us” image than she was before the first date.
Whether she classifies that as “talking,” “dating,” “soon to be smashing,” or whatever, you two are something.
Demonstrating some affection, then, is a good move.
You want her to feel like you two are moving forward — especially if you weren’t so communicative over text before the first date.
You can do this in a number of ways:
If you two are connected on social media, you can “slide into her DMs” (Direct Messages for non-Instagrammers) with a meme or link that references something you two talked about on date one. Unless it needs explanation, let the picture, gif, or link speak for itself.
You don’t need an excuse to talk to her – you guys are “dating,” or whatever you want to call it.
You could also wish her a great day. Something like:
“Good morning, Lizzy! Hope you have a great day ;)” Or even,
“Hey, Beth, just got back from work. Hope your day was less hectic than mine :P”
Anything fun, sweet, or maybe a little teasing/flirtatious works great.
What if You’ve Flaked on Her or Have Been Absent for A While?
If you’ve been flaking on her, then keeping up with her and reminding her that you’re interested with the simplest check-in can make her day.
What’s great is that before you do this, she will also be turned on by your scarcity — as most guys are texting her too much or trying too hard — so have no fear that you’ll come off as needy or chasing.
It’s the warmth she’s been waiting for.
Then, once you do want to see her again, she’ll be excited and glad you finally set it up.
What if There’s a Long Lull Between Scheduling and the Actual Date?
A friend of mine recently asked me about a girl who suddenly went aloof on him. They’d had the scheduling chat on Thursday and planned for a late-night rendezvous on Saturday.
Then, he texted her on Friday, asking how she was in a very cute and flirty way. She didn’t respond.
On Saturday, he texted again to see if they were still on for that night. No response.
He had no idea what had happened. And this is a guy who has absolutely no trouble getting action, either (sleeps with like 60 new girls a year).
But as soon as I saw the conversation, I knew immediately what had happened.
“You made plans for Saturday and then you texted the girl Friday for idle conversation. You should have just waited.”
What’s more is that they’d slept together already.
You would think that connection would make her more receptive to frequent texting, but sometimes the dating world can be ruthless, especially for highly affectionate guys like him and I.
When there’s only one or two days between your last conversation and the day of the date/meetup, it’s probably best to wait until that day to talk to her, and your first text should simply be:
“Hey, Leslie, we on for (insert activity)? ☺”
However, if there is a lull longer than three days between your scheduling conversation and the actual date, I’d advise you send her something in the meantime.
I would refrain, however, from sending a “Hey, how are you?”
Why?
It can work for some girls, but others it might annoy or make you look too available for chit-chat.
Instead, send her a friendly, “Hey, hope the day is treating you well!” Or,
“Man, I just stubbed my toe on my bed — hope your morning is going better than mine! Lol.”
Something that’s warm and nice, but not asking for any reply in return (though if she likes you, she will respond) is perfect.
The Texting: What to Send & What to Avoid
Here’s the truth: I would only send texts if they’re either funny/sweet or sexy/flirty.
For example:
Funny/Sweet: This type of tone helps with your attainability. Again, these texts look like this:
“Hey, Sarah, just wanted to say hi and I hope you’re doing well.”
You’re not asking her anything, you’re simply showing affection.
If she likes you, she will probably respond warmly or even start asking you questions. It’s affectionate without being needy.
Sexy/Flirty: This is if you are a forward guy in person, sexual, or have set any sexual tone with her. Let’s just say “if you know what you’re doing, then do this.”
Note: If you’re of the more stoic demeanor, and that’s been working for you, then stick to your personality and keep conversations to a minimum.
It Doesn’t End There…
Does the standard “Hey, how are you?” text work? Sometimes.
If it works for you, then go with that; if not, then try my recommendations.
Also, I would warn against talking to women too much in between dates.
Of course, if she contacts you, respond. But there is a reason that I hear tons of guys complaining that chicks are flaking on dates or after the first date and a lot of it, especially in the latter case, can be attributed to texting since it’s a reflection of how you view the first date.
Also, don’t get in contact if you’ve put the ball in her court with any form of “Let me know when you’re free” text. It’s up to her to hit you up after you’ve pulled that move.
Finally, you should always be sending her a “Hey, we still on for today?” texts. It’s always better if she’s the one who’s sending them, but it’s definitely not needy. Anyone who values their time is going to confirm a meet, because it lets them schedule their time properly.
And remember, texting is only a means to an end – real, physical, and emotional intimacy.
“Psychological Prediction”: Your First Date Secret Weapon
I have to admit… I can’t take full credit for this since I got it from Craig. Here’s what he said:
It’s a technique that took years of research and hundreds of studies on Artificial Intelligence… and now it’s finally ready.
With “Psychological Prediction,” you’ll know the answers to questions like:
1) Should you do dinner or drinks? Turns out taking her to the right spot can have a huge impact on whether or not you go home with her. If you want to maximize your odds of sexual success, you’ve gotta see this.
2) Who should pay on the first date? A whopping 62% of women are turned off if you do this when you get the bill…here’s why.
3) PLUS: The “Saturday Night” Secret — Always try to plan your dates for Saturday night. To see the bizarre reason why, check this out.
Put it all together:
