Ever Wondered: Should I Play Hard to Get? Here’s How to Do It (And What to Avoid)…
Many women like a man who works hard and plays hard. But a man who plays “hard to get”? Not necessarily.
Recently, my friend, Tanya, was telling me about a guy she met at a holiday party.
Her coworker, Jen, was having an open house for colleagues, neighbors, and friends — pretty much everyone she knew.
When Tanya arrived, she noticed quite a few good looking men she had never met before. She saw a particularly attractive man head over to get a plate of food, and so she went over to grab a bite as well.
Once she was standing fairly close to him, she casually said “Hi.” Here’s how their conversation unfolded:
Man: (glances up from the buffet) “Hi”…
Tanya: “This is such a nice party. Isn’t Jen great?”
Man: “Yeah.”
Tanya: “I’m Tanya, I work with Jen.”
Man: “Cool.”
Tanya: “How do you know her?”
Man: “I know her through our friend Simone.”
Tanya: “Cool.”
Man: (Silence)
Tanya: (Silence)
So what went wrong?
When Playing Hard to Get Goes All Wrong (And What to Do About It)
Tanya was really surprised at work on Monday when Jen told her that the guy she spoke to thought she was cute and wondered if she was single.
In fact, Tanya had to ask who he was — that’s how much his interest caught her off guard.
Reading the conversation about, is it obvious that the guy was interested in Tanya or “thought she was cute”? Not really, right?
This is the #1 mistake men make when playing “hard to get”: They don’t show ANY interest.
Playing hard to get isn’t about acting disinterested and aloof… it’s about having a back-and-forth that eventually leads to a date or taking a woman home.
It’s a tricky tightrope to walk, because even though most women are good at reading signals, when a guy acts disinterested — even a little bit — it can send her running for the hills.
Which is exactly what happened to Tanya!
When she finally realized who the guy was, she was no longer interested in or attracted to him.
So how should you play hard to get… and should you even play it at all?
Will Playing Hard to Get Ever Get the Girl?
There are a lot of studies about men who play hard to get… and they all say the same thing:
Men who play hard to get almost never capture the interest of the woman they want.
On the other hand, guys who act open and interested often leave a woman feeling special, and as a result, make her want to spend more time with them.
So when it comes down to it, the truth is that no, playing hard to get will probably not get you the girl.
But how do you act open and interested without being “obvious” or “creepy”?
It’s actually a lot easier than most guys imagine.
There are 3 simple steps:
1) Show Her Your Interest
The first step to keeping a woman interested in you is to show her that you’re interested in her.
Ask her questions about herself, and ask followup or clarifying questions to let her know you want to understand her.
For example:
If you ask her about her plans for the holidays, and she tells you about going to visit her family, then ask how many siblings she has or about growing up in her childhood hometown.
Similarly, if she asks a questions about you, try and give her more than a one-word answer… but don’t spend too much time talking about yourself.
(Remember, you’re trying to show her that you want to get to know her!)
From there, here’s your next step:
2) Be a First Responder
Responsiveness is a trait that women find extremely attractive.
So if she says something funny, you don’t need to keep it cool — smile and laugh if you want to.
As a woman, I can tell you that finding a guy with the same sense of humor is super hot… and laughing at her jokes will show her that you share her sense of humor, and that you “get” her.
This is also backed up by science — laughing with another woman will release endorphins, which will make both of you happier and encourage you to spend more time together.
On the flip side, if she talks about a recent loss or a sad event in her life (like a sick pet or family member), express sympathy and ask an engaging and positive question like:
“Tell me about one of your favorite memories of him/her.”
Instead of making her feel sadder, this will lift her spirits and help her focus on the positive, which also helping her feel closer to you.
At this point, she knows you’re interested, and she’s feeling connected to you…
So there’s only one thing left to do:
3) Use “Open” Body Language
This is one of the easiest ways to show a woman you’re an “open” and “interested” man… and in fact, it doesn’t require you to say anything at all!
It’s all about your body language.
Here are a few easy tips that almost all women respond to:
Make eye contact to show you are focused on her — you don’t have to stare, but keep the gaze going for 2-3 seconds.
You could also lean closer to her, and keep your arms uncrossed. This shows her you’re an honest, trustworthy guy.
Let her know you’re paying attention to her by nodding and giving vocal indications of listening, like “Mmhmm,” and “Makes sense.”
These are just a few of the small steps that help keep a woman interested in you from the moment you say “Hello.”
So what does that look like in action?
I’ll show you with another story about Tanya:
How to Attract a Woman You Want the “Right” Way
Another guy at the holiday party approached Tanya that night — she wasn’t as interested in him as she was the first guy, but she spoke with him anyway.
They were hanging out by the fire pit outside drinking hot chocolate, and the conversation went a little something like this:
Man: “Wow, the temperature outside is dropping quickly.”
Tanya: “I know–I love being out here by the fire.”
Man: “Me too. I’m Nate.”
Tanya: “Hi. I’m Tanya. How do you know Jen?”
Nate: “I live in the townhouse 2 doors down. I moved in about 6 months ago. What about you?”
Tanya: “We work together.
Nate: Cool. What do you do there?…”
The next 20 minutes were filled with Nate showing interest by asking followup questions and his moving nearer to her…
And eventually, at the end of the night, Nate got Tanya’s number.
Do you see what a difference this makes?
The truth is that women want you to show them that you’re interested in them… and if a woman is into you, she’ll be much more likely to make the first move.
But how do you tell if she’s interested in you?
Here’s what works every time:
3 Surefire Signs She Wants You to Make the First Move
If I’m talking to you, but secretly wishing you’d make the first move… here’s what I’m going to do:
Sign #1: Her feet are pointed at the “Arousal Angle.” A woman’s feet will tell you a lot about how she feels toward you… Here’s the exact angle to look for.
Sign #2: She touches you here. This one’s a dead giveaway — if she touches you in this “non-sexual” spot, it’s her discreet way of saying she wants to kiss you.
Sign #3: She gives you her “Sex Eyes.” When she wants you to take her home, throw her down on your bed and ravage her… Her eyes will look like this.
Spotting these signs is often the difference between guys who get sex whenever they want… and guys who go home alone and wonder, “What went wrong???”
Discover the 3 Surefire Signs She Wants You to Make the First Move…
