Discover Everything You Need to Know About Sapiosexual Women–Will You Stimulate Her Where It Counts?
Fact: You can’t control your sexual fantasies any more than you can control the foods you crave.
It’s usually pretty clear if you have a specific kind of woman you find attractive… but for some guys, it could be a little more difficult to figure out.
For example, have you ever dated a woman who you didn’t think, upon first glance, was your type… but who ended up driving you wild anyway?
Or have you ever found yourself talking to a woman all night and found it was nearly impossible to get her out of your head… but you weren’t sure why?
Generally, when we think about sexual attraction, we turn to physical attributes:
Some guys go nuts for freckles…
While others melt at the sight of a long pair of tan legs.
Hair color, body shape, eye color, and facial characteristics all play a role in how attracted you are to a woman.
But what if it’s not the physical attributes that attract you most… but something deeper?
Then you, my friend, might be what sexologists are calling a “sapiosexual.”
A Sapio-what? Understanding What Sapiosexuality Really Means
Before we dig in, you might be wondering what a sapiosexual is.
Urban Dictionary defines a sapiosexual as:
“One who finds the contents of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics.”
So if you love debating…
Discussing topics you’re passionate about…
Or simply learning new things…
Then you’re probably a sapiosexual — an intellectual woman is most likely to catch your eye.
However, one important thing to note is that not all sapiosexuals are attracted to a genius intellect.
The term “sapiosexual” indicates that you find a woman’s mind most attractive — that’s all.
As one sapiosexual woman we interviewed put it:
When you connect with women intellectually, it gives things an extra dimension. It makes things hotter and more interesting.”
Another woman we interviewed, Sandra, described why she was a sapiosexual like this:
The brain is the sexiest part of [a man's] body. I love a vivid mind, which is eager to discover, with developed critical thinking and ability to build long causal chains. Delightful conversation brings real peace into my soul.”
How Can You Tell If You’re a Sapiosexual?
So now you know what it means to be sapiosexual… how can you tell if you're one yourself?
The easiest way to figure out if you’re a sapiosexual is to look back through your dating history.
What was it about each woman that captured your interest most?
Psychology Today explains that sapiosexuals “are stimulated or challenged by the way another person thinks.”
So if it’s her mind that’s really turning you on, you’ll likely see a common link between the women you dated in the past.
Of course, like I mentioned before, being a sapiosexual isn’t 100% about intelligence in terms of I.Q., but rather the way a woman thinks.
So with that in mind, here are a couple ways to determine if you might be a sapiosexual:
1) You Don’t Casually Date
Most sapiosexuals aren’t into casual dating because looks and one-night stands just don’t do it for them.
(That's not to say that sapiosexual women aren't into sex… because they definitely are. Here are 3 orgasms that every sapiosexual woman craves in bed.)
Instead, they want to get to know a person and learn more about how their brain works before sleeping with them.
So if you’ve never been able to casually date or always seem to end up in relationships, you might be a sapiosexual.
2) You Like Driven Women
Since sapiosexuals are all about intellect, you’ve likely dated successful or driven women in the past.
If your past girlfriends have all been career-focused or extremely motivated, then it sounds like you have a thing for smart women.
And that's a sign you might be a sapiosexual.
3) You Value Conversation
AskMen says it best when noting that a “sapiosexual might find themselves more aroused by deep conversation than deep penetration.”
It’s not that you don’t enjoy sex… but you might be OK with postponing it or passing on it for a night to engage in a riveting conversation instead.
In other words, you’re more likely to hang out talking to a really interesting woman all night than to leave with a “ditzy” girl who simply finds you attractive.
One woman we interviewed, Ilene, gave a specific example of what this kind of conversation looks like:
A few weeks ago, I was out with a CEO and we were talking about everything. He turned to me and said ‘hey, can I get your advice on…' That was a real turn-on. He was smart and wanted my opinion and he shut up to hear it. That was sexy.”
4) The More You Get to Know Her, the Sexier She Becomes
Some of the guys I’ve dated didn’t initially “wow” me with their looks.
It’s not as though they were unattractive, but I was initially attracted to their minds instead.
So if you’ve ever found yourself attracted to an “average” woman… but over time, you find her sexier and sexier as you get to know her… then chances are you’re a sapiosexual.
The same is true of sapiosexual women. Like one sapiosexual woman we interviewed, Angela, said:
I always prefer smarter guys in more serious and casual relationships. In longer-term relationships with an intelligent man, the looks aren’t as big of a factor. If I love a guy’s mind, looks are not a primary thing.”
OK — so now you know if you’re a sapiosexual. But how do you know if the woman you’re talking to is a sapiosexual as well?
She Likes Big Brains and She Cannot Lie: How to Spot a Sapiosexual Woman
For many modern women, sapiosexuality is helping them redefine their sexual interests, and it makes a lot of sense.
But how can you tell if the woman you’re interested in, or if any random woman for that matter, is into smart guys?
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to tell if a woman is intellectual from looks alone. However, there are things you can do to make yourself look smart, to see how she reacts.
1) Look the Part
If you suspect she might be a sapiosexual or if you’re trying to figure her out, there’s one failsafe trick you can try: glasses.
Glasses are the epitome of “smart,” even if bad eyesight doesn’t necessarily equate to intelligence. In fact, glasses are often used on TV as a prop to let the audience know if a character is nerdy or smart.
Test them out the next time you’re at a bar to see if different types of women come up to you.
It might sound crazy, but I promise, it works on almost all sapiosexual women.
We interviewed one sapiosexual woman who even said that on a dating app she’d pass a guy with an 8-pack, but drool over a guy in glasses.
2) Talk Smart
Find something you’re interested in and try engaging her in a conversation to see how she reacts.
It could be something as simple as discussing an NPR segment you were listening to earlier…
Or maybe it’s a book you can’t wait to read.
PLAYBOY RADIO HOST: “The Sexiest Words to Say to a Sapiosexual Woman!”
If she jumps right into the conversation or starts asking you a lot of questions, she’s most likely a sapiosexual.
On the other hand, if she seems confused or disinterested, dial it down; she’s probably not only into your brain.
(I know it can be hard to tell if a woman is “confused” or “disinterested”… this quiz should help you figure it out.)
3) Listen to Her
The best way to find out what any woman is into is by listening to her.
After talking for a while, she’s likely to reveal some of her favorite interests, hobbies, and passions.
So listen for clues that she might be looking for someone smart and able to challenge her intellectually.
For example, if she talks about any of these topics on a first date or first encounter, she’s likely a sapiosexual:
- Books, journal articles, or newspapers…
- Foreign films…
- World events or local news issues…
Of course, not all sapiosexual women are going to be interested in these things — but if any of these topics come up, it’s a pretty safe bet she’s sapiosexual.
The Pros and Cons of Dating a Sapiosexual Woman
While being attracted to a woman for her mind seems like a positive trait, there’s a lot of controversy around sapiosexuality.
First of all, defining “intellect” is difficult, and judging women based on their interests or I.Q. can seem a bit harsh.
So if you’re considering dating a sapiosexual, here’s what you need to know first:
Dating a Sapiosexual: The Pros
There are 5 major pros to dating a sapiosexual woman:
- She'll enhance your hobbies. Sapiosexuals love continuously learning and mastering topics. So, if you’re dating a woman who’s a sapiosexual and you really enjoy hiking or camping, she’s likely to throw her entire mind into learning all she can about the subject, which is awesome for both of you.
- She’s never boring. No matter where you bring her, she’ll be able to hold her own in a conversation. She’ll likely have a quick wit and a long list of jokes and references at her disposal, which is perfect for any event.
- She’ll always challenge you. Whether it’s trying to open your eyes to a different viewpoint or educate you on the dangers of something, a sapiosexual woman is always going to push you to learn more and think differently.
- She’s likely great in bed. For sapiosexuals, connecting intellectually is important and can trigger an intense sexual connection. If you’re both on the same intellectual wavelength, you’re likely to always leave her wanting more. One sapiosexual we interviewed even said she opts for smart guys because they’re always more “inventive” in bed.
- Your relationship could have a better chance of lasting. According to an AskMen article, sapiosexuals are generally better at communicating. And since communication and connection are tightly linked, relationships tend to last longer.
Dating a Sapiosexual: The Cons
Though there are many pros to dating a brainy woman… there are a few cons to consider as well:
- She can be difficult to argue with. If you’re not as fond of debating or confrontation as she is, you may find yourself dreading arguments more than most people. It can be difficult to argue with a smart woman and what should be a rousing debate could turn into a cutthroat argument.
- She may always think she’s right. When you don’t agree with her or say a word correctly, she’s likely to point out why you’re wrong (and may do it in front of friends or family). This can be frustrating to deal with.
- She can be draining. If you’re really not an intellectual match for her, you may find her conversations to be mentally draining, which can really impact your relationship. Plus, if you’re not a perfect mental match for her, there can be feelings of inferiority on your end.
- She may be judgmental. She may not like some of your friends or family members and might even be rude or condescending toward them. This can be a major turn-off for you.
5 Tips to Attract & Date a Sapiosexual Woman
OK — so you know what it means to be a sapiosexual…
How to tell if the woman you’re talking to is a sapiosexual too…
And what you need to consider before you jump head-first into a relationship with a sapiosexual woman.
So how do you go about attracting her & taking her home?
Attracting sapiosexuals is very different from attracting other women, so here are some tips to get you started.
1) Impress Her with Good Grammar
Like this Bustle article mentions, it’s the little things that matter most to sapiosexuals.
When you’re texting her, for example, turn her on with your impressive usage of the correct forms of “their” and “you’re.”
Always text her with complete sentences, and maybe throw in a semicolon from time to time.
(Bonus: Did you know including these 3 little letters in your response to her will make her nearly twice as likely to respond?)
The same goes for social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.).
When in doubt, use Google to double check yourself. It’s a small step, but to a sapiosexual woman, it can make a huge difference.
One woman we interviewed, Tiffany, described how her sapiosexual lover turned her on in this way:
My lover writes me eloquent erotic emails with complex words. I love receiving texts with the correct form of to, too, two, and their, there and they're.”
2) Share Stories
As avid readers, sapiosexual women love storytelling.
While they might not be big storytellers themselves, they almost always enjoy listening to a great story.
So entertain them with stories from your childhood or stories specifically linked to your more intellectual side (your career, interests, hobbies, etc).
Maybe even throw in some nerdy work jargon if you work in the IT sector — she’ll likely have plenty of questions for you and will be eager to keep the conversation going.
3) Think Before Responding
There’s nothing that’s more of a turn-off to a sapiosexual woman than a man who doesn’t think before he speaks.
Take a moment to consider what you’re about to say before you say it — trust me, she’ll appreciate your extra time and consideration.
For example, if she asks you, “What’s the last museum you went to?” Don’t just respond with the name of the museum.
Instead, tell her the name of the museum and something about your experience there. The details make all the difference with a sapiosexual woman.
Pro Tip: When you’re in a crowded room or at a social event, whisper a joke or witty remark in her ear only.
Sapiosexuals love to feel as though you cherish their mind just as much as they cherish yours, so showing her you only care about her response and opinion is a major turn-on.
4) Ask Questions
Being curious and inquisitive is a trait that sapiosexual women are going to be instantly attracted to.
One female sapiosexual we spoke with confirmed this, stating: “Intelligence to me is always being inquisitive, wanting to understand everything and anything, on several levels.”
So how do you do this?
One easy way to do this is to show interest in her and her career.
Ask questions until you fully understand what she does for a living, what she’s passionate about, and what she simply enjoys doing. This not only showcases your intelligence, but also shows that you’re specifically into her.
5) Plan Unique Dates
Not only do unique dates show sapiosexuals you really care about impressing them, but they also show off the more creative parts of your mind, which is super sexy.
Here are a few unique dates ideas any guy can try with a sapiosexual woman:
Plan a scavenger hunt leading to a restaurant…
A date night at a museum…
Or a spontaneous trip to one of the coolest bookstores/coffee shops/music stores in the area.
An article by NewLoveTimes also recommends quiet places where you can have awesome conversations.
Using these tips, you'll appeal to her intellectural desires, as well as show her that you're the sapiosexual man she wants in her bed.
And from there, there's only one thing left to do to get her back to your place…
What Gets a Sapiosexual Woman in Bed The Quickest?
When men find out a woman is a sapiosexual… they usually take any opportunity they can to let her know how smart they are…
How many esoteric facts they have memorized…
Their well-thought-out political and philosophical views…
And the list goes on…
But guess what?
Sapiosexual women hear these things all the damn time.
And to be honest… most of us are a little tired of all the mental stimulation, and are in need of more “physical stimulation”…
And in fact, you can easily get a sapiosexual woman to sleep with you using nothing but a few well-placed touches.
That’s why these self-proclaimed sapiosexual women often end up with guys who aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer…
…most sapiosexual woman crave this sort of touch SO bad… that it doesn't matter what you say as long as you use these touches right…
And there are 3 touches in particular that will get even the most uptight sapiosexual woman dripping wet… and ready to ride you like a mechanical bull: