While BDSM stands for bondage, discipline/dominance, submission and sadomasochism, the truth is that kink covers an extremely wide range of activities.
Some people have a kink for tickling; some people can only enjoy themselves if there are thigh high sheer seamed stockings and 6 inch heels in the mix.
There is no right or wrong way to explore kinky play, there is only what works best for you and your partner.
Some people say, “Well, I know I want to explore kinky play but I have no idea what I like or how to start. How do I go about finding out what it is I like if I haven’t done anything yet?”
2) Be Curious!
Honestly, finding out is half the fun!
Give yourself a homework assignment to sit down and think about what really turns you on.
You just have to be willing to put in the time to locate them.
This is the area where people most frequently find themselves frustrated.
Almost every social media site has a section where people with… kinkier proclivities gather.
5) Pro Tip: Sign Up For This Popular Kink Site…
If you look around enough you can usually find it fairly easily.
However, there are some social media sites that are exclusively dedicated just to kinksters. Fetlife.com is one of the biggest currently with millions of people worldwide having profiles on it.
6) Don’t Be Shy
Once you have joined a social media platform and created a profile, poke around and start exploring.
Start learning and talking to others.
A common mistake that people make is thinking that once they have created a profile on a social media platform, all they have to do is email likely people and express a desire to meet up and everything else will fall into place.
If you are approaching people only focusing on your kinky desires and not bringing anything else to the table, you are going to have a much lower success rate.
There isn’t much to make you stand out from the millions of other people also leading with their desires.
If you can think of it, the odds are that a class is being taught on the subject.
Not only can you learn more about something you are curious about, but you can do it in a way that will allow you to interact with like-minded people in a very natural way.
Every other person in the class has an interest in common with you and it is a very low pressure way to begin exploring the community.
8) Try A “Munch”
If classes are not your cup of tea, larger cities have munches.
They take place at restaurants, coffee shops, or bars (these are known as wet munches) where the organizer has cleared the use of the space with the venue owner.
They run for a set time on specific days and can happen weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.
People attend munches in their street—“vanilla”—clothes and to the outside observer there is generally no indication that it is a group designed to meet up and discuss kinky things.
Once you have found someone that you click with, it is time to take it a step further.
9) Get On The Same Page
The most important thing to establish is consent among all parties involved.
Even though some kinky play may appear to be very extreme or rough from the outside, everybody doing it has consented to the action beforehand and knows what to expect.
A collared naked submissive kneeling at your feet with “use me” written on their chest is there because they want to be and it gets them off.
It is all about communication and negotiation.
The better you communicate what you are looking for in an interaction, the better your chances of having it happen successfully.
Be okay with making mistakes or possibly looking silly.
It is going to happen and it isn’t the end of the world.
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