How to Overcome Negativity And Take Control of Your Dating Life…
“I’m lonely”…
“I don’t meet anyone.”…
“I don’t know how to start”…
“Is a lonely life worth living?”…
These are things I hear more often than I expect from clients, and it worries me.
Before I go any further, there’s something I have to make clear: Having a girlfriend or a sexual partner is not more important than your own life.
First of all, if that’s how you genuinely feel, I recommend that you seek professional help. You might be depressed, and I am not qualified to be your psychiatrist.
Negativity is a big problem for a lot of men. Even men who are good with women often struggle with their own negative thoughts.
And even if you value your own life above all else, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to be feeling positive about women all the time.
Just look at Billy Joel.
The Eye-Opening Lesson Billy Joel Taught Me About Negativity
Apparently, when Joel was 20, or so the story goes, he lost a girlfriend. He was the one playing dingy piano bars and feeling like he would never get a beautiful woman to love him.
This, I’ll remind you, is the guy who dated Elle Macpherson before marrying Christie Brinkley 15 years later.
His women trouble and drama with his bandmates led Joel to drink furniture polish. (“It looked tastier than bleach,” he said.)
He was checked into a hospital on suicide watch, and there he saw people with what he described as, “…real problems.” His response: “ I’ll never get that low again.”
From his experiences resulted two songs — one based on his suicide note, and one titled “You’re Only Human (Second Wind).”
I mention this so you can get a sense of how wrong and incorrect the beliefs that lead to self-doubt can be.
For many men, bad experiences become sources of pain, shame, and darkness.
For Joel, however, his bad experiences became inspiration for new successes.
Negativity is a serious issue and, as you can tell from Joel’s experience, it can affect literally anybody.
If you’re personally experiencing negative thoughts, it can be incredibly hard to believe me when I tell you, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
So today, I’m going to show you three tricks you can use to stay positive when you feel like nothing is working.
The One Thing Stopping You From Meeting More Women…
Here’s how a typical conversation with one of my negative clients usually goes:
Me: “Be interested, but not too interested.”
Negative Client: “In whom? I NEVER meet anyone!”
Me: “Well, we’ll get you out a bit more.”
NC: “Every time I go out, I’m spending more money and getting nothing!”
Me: “Meet me in the park — it’s free.”
NC: “That park is full of junkies and goths!”
You get the point, right?
When you feel that level of negativity, there’s no piece of advice I can give you to help you meet more women. And that’s because your own negativity will always — and I mean always — get in your way.
I’m not going to tell you to just “stay positive” — that clearly doesn’t work in this scenario.
Only by breaking down what’s really going on when you go into that dark place can you understand how to get out of it.
What’s really going on here?
A negative mind will always ask “What can go wrong?” instead of “What can I do right?”
“Why does this happen?”
It’s simple: Your mood affects how you view your entire life.
In other words, the way you see the world is dependent upon how you feel in any given moment.
Have you ever broken up with a girl? Or had a bad day, or whatever?
What did you do to cope?
Did you go looking for ways to boost your mood and make you happy…
Or did you dwell on your negative thoughts and emotions?
Chances are you did at least some dwelling — and that’s a good thing! Embracing your emotions as you have bad experiences will help you work through them and feel “normal” again.
One of the most common ways to do this dwelling is by listening to sad music.
Sad songs are written for sad people — they exist because the lyrics describe what you’re thinking, and the music matches how you feel at that moment.
These songs allow you to deal with your emotions, work through them, and experience catharsis.
This is an important part of the process, but it’s what you do next that matters for your sex and dating life: You have to get out of that funk and go meet more women.
3 Mood-Boosting Tricks to Help You Overcome Your Negativity and Get More Women Today
Even if you want to move forward and be happier, it can be difficult when you still feel stuck in a dark place with nowhere to go.
That’s why I’m about to show you three foolproof methods to get up off the floor and start feeling attractive again.
Trust me — when you feel attractive, more women will actually believe you’re attractive.
And believe me when I tell you that you will never meet attractive women when you can’t stop asking yourself “What can and will go wrong?”
So forget about what can go wrong — here’s how to make sure things go right every time.
1) Find your “bright spots.”
This is the most important thing you can do to overcome your negativity.
In the book Switch, by Chip and Dan Heath, they discuss what are called “bright spots.” These are areas of your life that are going well in times of change when everything else seems to be going poorly.
In times of change (like when you’re trying to meet better women), it can be easy for you to focus on the things that are going badly. Instead, look at what’s working well for you, and focus on replicating that in other areas of your life.
2) Make a positivity list.
If you’ve found your bright spots but still can’t escape the negative mindset, a list is a great way to help you overcome that feeling. But this is a special kind of list.
So here’s what you do: Take a piece of paper and a pen, and make a list of what you like about X, where X is whatever it is that keeps making you feel blue.
It’s important that you write this list down — don’t just make it in your head.
So if you just can’t seem to get over your ex-girlfriend, for example, your list would be titled, “What I Like About My Ex-Girlfriend.” Other lists might be about the bars you go to, the girls you’re meeting, or something about yourself.
Come up with 10-20 things you actually like about this thing. Make these things very specific — it’s important that you actually believe what you’re writing.
Do it somewhere where you can come back to review your list and add to it later.
If you have a pervasive sense of negativity, it’s a sign that your mood is a problem in your life. It’s getting in your way of meeting more and better women.
When it’s time to go out and talk to women you don’t know, it’s best to leave your darker, more negative self at home.
Creating and revisiting this list is a great way to transition from your negative mindset into a more positive one with almost no effort.
It’s a way of taking your “bright spots” and turning them into a feeling.
That’s Not All…
The list isn’t there to tell you that you shouldn’t be unhappy with whatever’s making you unhappy — after all, your feelings are true and valid.
The list is simply there to make you feel good when you need it most.
For example, if your list is about the bar you go to that you can’t stand anymore, remember one good experience you had there and break it down into 10 or 20 items.
Were there a ton of gorgeous girls there that night?…
Remember how good you felt right when you walked in?…
And can you recall the feeling you had when that bartender gave you a free drink?…
If you come back to this list enough, it will help diminish those negative thoughts you have about that person, place, or thing.
“Yeah, but for every two things I like about the place, I hate 18.”
That’s OK! While you’re making this list, you’re only spending time on the 10% of good things you appreciate.
If you practice enough, you’ll eventually spend 100% of your time looking at this list, and you’ll feel 90% better about whatever it is that’s bringing you down.
3) Locate your triggers.
I know you’re being “realistic” and “honest” when you express your negativity and admit to it. It takes a great deal of strength to admit to feeling this way.
But haven’t you ever been so incredibly pissed off…
And then something inexplicably made you laugh?
Or you had true and real reasons to be completely down, and then something (or someone) brightened your mood?
These are what I call your “triggers.” They’re what you should turn to when you’re deep in that rut and need to get out ASAP.
Aside from your bright spots and lists, these are more general ways for you to swim up out of the quicksand of negativity when you need an immediate boost.
I recommend you make good use of these in general, but they’re especially helpful right before leaving your place to go out in public.
Here are some triggers that both myself and my clients have used with success:
- Music. Not music in general. Listen to music that makes you feel good and puts you in a great, upbeat mood.
- Friends. Friends who are good enough to get you out of your funk are the best. Keep them close.
- Standup comedians. While I do recommend you avoid the self-deprecating standup comics, there are many standup comedians who are brilliant at brightening other people’s moods. Find the ones that work for you.
- Sports and exercise. It doesn’t have to be a group sport or a gym. Something as simple as taking a walk can work wonders!
- Work victories. Sell your whatever, fix the printer, finish your boss’ pet project — go the extra mile, and your coworkers will notice. This will validate your purpose and make you feel good.
- Dance by yourself at home. It will loosen you up and remind you not to take life so seriously.
- Games. However, don’t go overboard with video games — it’s simply a way to elevate your mood when you need it most.
- Karaoke. Going out for some karaoke before the main bar you’re going to can be a big mood enhancer.
- Walk in nature. If being surrounded by plants and tranquility makes you feel better, then do it.
- Watch adventure or victory-focused movies — most superhero films fit this bill.
And my last one requires a little qualifying: Interact with less attractive girls.
Yes, I said it. This is not the same thing as lowering your standards!
It’s simply practice. Get some “wins” to make you feel better, and remember that there are several rungs on the ladder of attraction, so you’re not committing to anything by simply interacting with these women.
Just try this: Say “Hi” to 20 women you wouldn’t normally find attractive. Yes, you might feel only 80% as good as you would if the women were more your type, but when you’re stuck in a dark place, 80% can make a big difference.
When you’re in a good mood, your problems will seem far less annoying. True, it won’t:
Make rude girls nicer…
Or loud clubs softer…
Or rejection less painful…
But it will make meeting women easier, and it will make you feel better. And that’s a huge step in the right direction.
One Less Negative to Worry About: Getting Rejected
Climbing out of that negativity rut is not an easy thing to do.
But you absolutely must do it. And I have something that can really help you, and make it a lot easier.
If you’re sick of all of the pain and embarrassment that come with rejection…
Tired of running into girl-after-girl who’s just “not into you”…
Wondering why some guys seem to get girls so easily…
While you’re left with “the scraps,” if you get any women at all…
Believe me, I’ve been there too. Way back in the day, I wasn’t in a place so different from where you are now.
But you know what changed things for me? In a deeply powerful, life-changing sort of way?
Recognizing when a woman is into me!
When you know she wants you, it creates a sense of power and control that can make you feel so good you’ll forget what was bringing you down in the first place.
There are a bunch of signs that women send men to show them that they’re interested, and most guys never even notice them…
But you don’t want to be “most men.” You want to be great with women.
So here’s what to do: Click here to get free, immediate access to the 7 hidden signs she’s secretly obsessed with you and never face the pain of rejection ever again.
