How To Last Longer In Bed & Be a Total “Sex God” to Every Woman You Sleep With…
No guy wants to be known as the one who finishes too early.
So many guys come to me wondering how to last longer in bed. It’s probably the number one concern guys have when it comes to sex.
You don’t want to come too quickly, but you also don’t want to last forever (hint, women actually hate it when sex is too long).
So where’s the happy medium and what are some ways to last longer in bed to keep her satisfied?
Let’s look at how long the average guy lasts in bed, figure out how long women actually want sex to last, then we’ll dive into the dreaded subject of ED and cover tips to last longer in bed.
How Long Do Men Actually Last In Bed?
Before you freak out over how quickly you feel like you’re finishing, let’s look at some actual studies to put the facts into context.
A 2009 research study found that on average, men actually last six minutes in bed. That’s right, six minutes.
The time measurement started from the time intercourse actually began, meaning from the time his penis entered the vagina. It doesn’t take into account foreplay.
If this number makes you feel a little better about how long you last, then let’s take a look at how long women actually want sex to last to determine if you need to learn ways to last longer in bed.
How Long Women Want Sex To Last…
If you search online for how to last longer in bed, you’ll find an overwhelming amount of tips and myths on how to boost your run time.
What you won’t find a lot of is how long women actually feel sex should last. And that’s important to know, because as long as she’s happy, you can start having more and more sex, without worrying about coming too soon.
An article in GQ Magazine reveals a lot about what women actually want in the bedroom. For starters, they believe sex starts at foreplay, so including this step is crucial to pleasing her.
When it comes to intercourse, this article found that, on average, women believe sex should last 7-13 minutes.
This is just over the average of how long sex lasts, so it could mean women want you to last a little bit longer in bed.
If that number seems low to you, then great! Rock on! If it seems high or a little unsustainable, keep reading to figure out if you might have ED (and learn how to overcome it) and to find out how to last longer in bed.
“Do I Have ED or Am I Normal?”
If you find it hard to last six minutes or longer in bed, you might not be doing anything wrong. Erectile dysfunction (ED) plagues approximately 10% of men at some point in their life, to varying degrees.
While every guy can struggle to last or get it up from time to time, if this is a regular occurrence, you definitely want to talk to your doctor about it.
Signs of ED include a decreased desire for sex, failure to get an erection, or inability to maintain your erection. You know how your body normally works, so if something seems off, listen to your body.
Now let me be clear: there's a big difference between “finishing too early” and “full-on E.D.”
If you suspect you have full-on E.D., then definitely talk to your doctor about it.
But if you just want to last longer in bed? Or “get harder” than you are right now?
Then there are tips on how to last longer in bed naturally that should always be explored first.
I struggled with ED myself (and overcame it as I’ll explain in more detail below). There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Just read on to find out tips to last longer in bed and hear my personal success story on curing my ED.
4 Easy Ways to Last Longer In Bed
Whether you think you might have ED or just feel like you finish too soon, there are a few proven tips to last longer in bed.
This method, also known as edging, is one of the most common tips for lasting longer in bed. Practice is key with this one, so know you won’t master it right away.
You’ll want to try this out by bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm (you know the feeling), then just stopping. Simply stop thrusting or masturbating until you’ve delayed all sexual activity. Then, start up again.
Once you’ve figured this out, you may even be able to mentally stop or stall your orgasms, while still enjoying the fun.
2) Squeeze Technique
This technique is pretty simple, but involves stopping yourself right before you finish. Basically, when you feel your orgasm coming on, grab your penis and squeeze right below the head of your penis.
Use your finger and thumb to try to push on the base of your urethra, located on the underside of your penis. This will push blood back out of your penis, to help you keep going for a longer amount of time.
3) C*ck Rings
If you’re open to trying out a helpful product, cock rings are a great way to slow down the blood flow to your penis, helping you last longer in bed.
You slip this round contraption around your penis. It should fit comfortably and should definitely be tested by masturbating first. Then, when you’re ready to finish, slip this off and go wild.
As an added bonus, cock rings can be fun for her, too, and they even make ones that vibrate, which can really drive her wild. But, start off with the basics before moving up to the big leagues.
If you’re looking for tips on how to last longer in bed naturally, supplements can be extremely helpful.
Testosterone supplements are primarily the natural solutions men seek when suffering from ED or any issue preventing them from lasting longer in bed.
Just be sure you find a high-quality supplement with good reviews.
3 Exercises to Increase Sexual Stamina
Another incredible tip for how to last longer in bed naturally is exercise. Using exercise, you can actually train your body to last longer and increase your stamina. Here are the best exercises to help boost your run time:
Cardio workouts are important, because they increase your overall endurance and stamina. If you can’t run a lap or two, how do you expect to blow her mind in bed?
According to Men’s Journal, cardio exercise helps boost your cardiovascular system, increases blood flow, and might even lead to better orgasms.
Jogging, swimming, and cycling a few times a week are great ways to stay in top cardio shape.
2) Pelvic Muscle Exercises
Part of performing well and longer includes stretching out the muscles around your pelvic area to avoid injuries or discomfort during sex.
Groin stretches are a great way to improve your flexibility. To do these, sit on the floor with your heels pulled in towards your pelvis. Let your knees drop to the sides until your muscles start to pull. Hold this position for 30 seconds and practice this several times a day for the best results.
Lunges are another great stretch that can help increase your stamina and flexibility. To do these, stand straight and take one long step forward so your front leg is bent 90 degrees and your back leg is is diagonal to the floor. Continue by taking another step forward with the back leg for a total of 12 repetitions a few times a week.
3) Breathing Techniques
As any yoga enthusiast will tell you, breathing is a fundamental part of exercise. It’s also an important technique during sex and practicing these breathing techniques can help you last longer in bed.
Becoming in tune with your own breath can help you better slow things down or speed them up. Once you can control your breath work, stopping before an orgasm becomes much easier.
To practice breathwork, lie down flat on your back with your knees bent. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach. Close your eyes, relax, and take deep breaths. Concentrate on how your hands rise and fall as you inhale and exhale. This will get you in tune with your breathing rhythm.
How I Went From “Sad Guy With ED” to a Man at the Peak of His Sexual Game With These 3 Little-Known Keys…
Lots of guys who wish they could last longer in bed feel embarrassed. And as a result, they don't do their research — or if they do, what they find isn't very helpful.
If you’ve done some research on this on your own, that’s good. It's good to be proactive!
Being proactive about making adjustments to your sex life is awesome. But I won't lie — I do have concerns about what you may have found on other websites or in books.
I've been there, and I know how crappy some of the information can be.
But with lots of practice, I was able to overcome my ED — and I have faith that I can help you last longer in bed as well.
I’ve broken my tricks to lasting longer in bed down to three keys so you can keep a simple list in your head. Nothing to overthink here — just simple tips with great results.
Together, using my wealth of knowledge and a little perseverance, you can go from a sprinter to a marathon runner in the bedroom.
So let's talk about how to last longer in bed.
(Note: If you'd rather watch a video of me demonstrating those three keys, you can check that out here. I think you'll really like it.)
Key #1: Relax
Relax, man. I mean this in two ways: Physically and mentally.
A lot of men tend to weight themselves down with their thoughts during sex. However, they also tend to allow their bodies to act on instinct, which can be a really quick way to end the bedroom party early.
I want to start with the physical aspect of relaxation because it's the more “brass tacks” of the two.
There are several parts of your body that you can hone into and control so that you can last longer — you just have to know where to look.
During sex, for example, your genitals are going to become saturated in arousal.
It's centralizing the pleasure in your body to one place: your d**k.
This is then fueled by a clenching effect that your body does instinctively, which causes your hips to drive forward.
That clenching motion in your middle half is the piledriver that moves your arousal right to your penis and won't let it travel anywhere else.
As the motion shoots the arousal to your genitals, your meter begins to fill quickly, leading to the release.
It's a natural thing, but that doesn't mean that you can't combat against it.
1) Unclench Your “Cheeks”
The first step to physically relaxing is to unclench your butt cheeks.
If you relax that clenching, your body will begin to spread your arousal and pleasure throughout your entire body. That way you won't be feeding the arousal directly into your penis.
This will then lengthen the amount of time it will take you to come.
I know it's weird to think about clenching and unclenching your butt cheeks, but the reality is that your butt is what's really in control during sex.
So relax your anus and butt cheeks, and feel the pleasure dissipate and radiate throughout your entire body.
2) Focus On the Rest of Your Body
After you unclench your butt cheeks, the rest of your body should begin to loosen up as well.
Like I said, I know it's weird. But it works.
This is the primary focus of physical relaxation during sex — but it's not the whole story.
Now let's talk about mental relaxation.
(I know it might sound crazy that your mind has so much control over your body, but it's true in every aspect of sex and dating. By just having the right sexual mindset, for example, you can attract a woman from all the way across the room. Here's how.)
3) Remember To Pay Attention To Her
Mental relaxation is a pivotal component to lasting longer in bed. This is because a lot of men focus on themselves during sex — to a point where they're not focusing on the woman they're with enough.
Off the bat, you know this is a bad mentality because your partner needs some attention to get the full sexual experience as well.
Plus, one of the downfalls of this “me, me, me” mentality is that you're more likely to come faster if your mind is completely on yourself and your actions.
Being that the pleasure you're trying to delay is your own, it shouldn't come as a surprise, then, that your pleasure ends up being at the forefront of your mind.
This is basically like having your finger constantly on the detonator of a bomb when you're trying to disarm it.
I'll say it again: Relax!
Keep your focus on the awesome time you're having, but don't live completely in your own head.
Otherwise, you'll overthink things to the point where you won't be able to stop yourself from ejaculating. And like I said, this is also healthy in that you're opening up your mind to focus more on her.
With a less cluttered, more relaxed mindset, you'll easily be able to see how the woman you're with is feeling.
And with that, you'll be able to smoothly transition into my second key to lasting longer in bed.
Key #2: Slow Down
Now that you're in a state of physical and mental relaxation, you should be noticing certain things about your partner:
How she's feeling…
If she's needing focus more on one particular area…
All that good stuff.
(For example, if she moans, it's a huge sign she wants you to be rougher during sex. This video should help you out with that.)
And now is the time to take care of her — but to properly do that, you've got to slow down.
1) Don’t Forget About Foreplay
You and I both know that sex isn’t always about actual penetration for the entire run.
Sometimes, you can stop and go back to foreplay or oral before returning to penetration.
Yes, your secondary focus is to last longer in bed, but think about the benefits that come along for the ride when you just start to slow down.
Sometimes a sexual encounter can be truly enhanced just by changing your pace. Stop to revel in the moment before returning to the hot & heavy action.
Plus, delayed gratification (which I'll get to in a bit) is one of the greatest ways to increase the intensity of your orgasm.
2) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Slowing down gives you the perfect opportunity to reset, and the best thing you can do is to take advantage of this moment without overthinking it too much.
I understand — you may be a little hesitant to tell your partner that you need a break, but you absolutely shouldn't be.
Since she's receiving the pleasure that your arousal is delivering, trust me, she'll want to make sure that you can last as long as she wants.
And if this means taking a break, there are few women who wouldn't understand and appreciate your honesty.
I mentioned oral sex earlier, and I'd like to emphasize that this is a excellent way to slow things down without cooling off entirely.
However, some guys may find oral sex too arousing, so maybe just some heavy petting is enough.
Remember, focus on her — it's a great way to provide her with direct pleasure while still giving yourself all the time you need.
3) Use The “Jedi Mind Trick”
Breathing is way more important during sex than most guys realize.
As you're slowing down and paying attention to your partner — all while saving your orgasm — focus on locking into a good pace of breathing.
Breathing is just one more way you can control your orgasm. First, inhale into your diaphragm (almost like you're trying to get the oxygen all the way down to your manhood).
Fill your body with air and hold… before letting the air release naturally throughout your body.
Don't squeeze the air out of you. Just let it escape through your mouth like it would on its own.
And I mean it when I say “fill your body.” Make it deep like you're collecting all the air you can muster for a deep sea dive.
When you're having sex, you want to fill your body with all your capacity. It helps to relax you, and it can also help take your mental state away from the idea of coming in that immediate moment.
I know, I'm not your doctor or anything like that, but it's actually really healthy to take these kinds of breaths in everyday life too!
I call this my “Jedi Mind Trick,” and it's served me well for years. Which brings me to my last key… yet another one of my personal favorite tricks.
Key #3: Focus on Your Extremities
I’ve mentioned directing focus in more than one way through each of these points.
Focus on unclenching your muscles…
Listen to her and take breaks accordingly…
Focus on your breathing…
It would be fair to say that the third key relies heaviest upon directing focus.
But this is a different kind of focus.
1) Think About Your Hands & Feet
If you're still finding trouble lasting as long as you want during sex, then begin moving your focus to your hands and feet.Why?
Consider this like directing traffic — by relaxing your butt cheeks, you've opened up the major “freeways” of your body to receive the pleasure that was previously focused in your penis.
So as a result, the feeling of arousal should move more freely. However, you still may need to help your body disperse the pleasure to your arms and legs if it's too intense.
It sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, you'll begin to feel the movement of pleasure in your extremities, almost like a hot flow of lava.
Ultimately, this works to allow your penis to receive more pleasure and arousal without taking you over the edge.
2) Don’t Try to Turn Yourself Off
When I said that I had done some independent research on this topic that left me with a sour taste in my mouth, it was with this concept that I was so disappointed by.
Sure, most sex advice websites will tell you to divert your focus; however, they don't tell you to divert your focus in a way that's palatable or with suggestions that are at all helpful.
Some blogs I read even suggested that you focus on something sad or sickening to take your mind in the opposite direction of arousal.
What's the point of even having sex if you're just going to focus on something that tarnishes the experience? Think about it for a second.
Seriously, some of the things these sites suggested were downright disgusting.
Without diving too much into that, it's more about the idea that you're leaving your partner behind in the moment while you divert your focus that's a problem.
In a lot of ways, to put your brain on something outside of that very experience is more crippling than reaching orgasm before you were planning to.
Plus, if the woman you're having sex with can tell that your brain is in another dimension, how do you think she's going to feel?
It Doesn’t End There…
Diverting your focus to a sad or disgusting topic could actually work against you even more if you accidentally come during this time.
Most likely, she's going to assume you were thinking about another woman — and that's not something that will make her want to sleep with you again.
I can't stress this enough:
Don't follow the weird, widespread insights that say to focus on something completely out of the moment.
I can't imagine that this is good for your mental health, but I can guarantee it's not good for your sex life (even if you do manage to kill your orgasm).
No — stay in that moment. Focus on tangible or visible things that are right there with you.
That's why focusing on your extremities is so damn useful. Because you don't have to stare off into the ceiling to focus on them.
Hell, you could even stare at your hand if you need to (at least for a bit) and I can promise she wouldn't feel insulted by it.
Wrapping up on this topic of focus, there's one added perk that comes along with moving your pleasure throughout your body and harnessing it for later:
With skilled practice and concentration, you can control your orgasm — not just as a way to delay it, but also as a way to enhance your pleasure.
Instead of just releasing that initial load that was coming, you're saving up and saving up until you're able to release all at once. It's a truly incredible sensation.
BONUS: Biofeedback (AKA “Edging”)
That’s right, I said three keys but I’d be a liar if there isn’t some value found in biofeedback, AKA “edging.”
While not a practitioner myself (not anymore, anyway), biofeedback can allow you to train your body for maximum longevity during sex.
Biofeedback, maybe better known as “edging,” is the practice of bringing yourself close to the point of climax, and then cutting off stimulation completely.
Whether you're masturbating or having sex, just imagine going to the point where you can sense an orgasm is close… and then stopping all sexual contact with your penis.
Once you're back down to a calmer level, you can get back to it.
And if you feel yourself getting close again? Lay off once more.
Continue this start-stop process until you're finally ready to orgasm.
Not only is this great training for a man looking to increase his longevity, but it also creates a powerful orgasm-in-waiting each time you deny yourself the climax.
An Extra Perk of Incorporating Biofeedback Into Your Routine…
This is an especially useful tool to implement if masturbation is your primary form of reaching climax.
Just incorporate edging into your masturbation routine to increase your chances of lasting longer in bed for the next time you do get lucky.
And speaking of masturbation, nobody can argue that a low tank is less likely to spill over than a full one.
It's been a common practice of mine to masturbate a few hours before sex to bring my levels down a bit, and I highly recommend it for you as well.
While there's not a lot of factual evidence to back this up one way or another, it's something that works like a charm for me.
Try it out for yourself, and see if it works — it can't hurt, right?
Last Longer IN Bed, When You Do This OUT of Bed…
If all of this is starting to sound a little technical, relax. (Lasting longer in bed really is all about relaxing, right?)
There’s some easy stuff you can do outside the bedroom to help you last longer, too.
Trust me, every guy I’ve known who’s been an absolute beast with the ladies has also been in excellent health, mentally and physically.
Take it from the experts—and just look around!
But beast status doesn’t come without some effort.
So what are some things you can do outside the bedroom to give you an extra boost next time it really counts?
First off, teach yourself to meditate.
You don’t have to go to a long silent retreat to learn this skill.
You also don’t have to mediate for hours on end. Lots of guys see benefits in their sexual health if they meditate for just thirty minutes each day.
There are countless books and apps and websites that will guide you.
Meditating is bound to help you last longer in bed. Why?
Because it’s all about relaxation and focus. The mind masters the body. The worries grow quiet.
And one particular body part gets to take center stage.
(Not while you’re actually meditating, come on! But, you know, later, when you need to perform in the bedroom.)
Beyond practicing mindfulness through meditation, there’s more you can do.
Your out-of-the-sack life effects your performance in bed, and how long you can last, in so many ways.
It may surprise you to learn that your diet is actually really important.
Studies show that men who eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as healthy whole grains, have better sexual performance and can last longer in bed.
Experts also recommend that you limit alcohol, tobacco, and processed food, as well as sugar.
Replace that soda with a healthy kombucha or green tea or, hey, plain old fashioned water, and you’re bound to see yourself last longer in bed.
Don’t believe me? Just try it for a few weeks and see how much better you feel.
Processed food and sugary drinks and snacks are designed to give you a burst of energy, but not energy that lasts.
If you want to last and last and last, you need real energy!
Whole foods give you that energy, and they also give your body the nutrients it needs to carry out important functions, like getting and keeping an erection.
It’s easy to forget, but it’s true: the body only performs as well as you take care of it.
You wouldn’t expect your car to be able to drive all night long or rev up to 90 on some crappy, watered-down gasoline, would you?
Plus, a couple boosts to your mental and physical health will help your dating game in so many ways.
You’ll look better, feel better, and be more confident.
And, did I mention, you’ll last longer in bed than you ever imagined?
Now Put It All Together…
When used properly, these three keys should help you last longer in bed and make sex more enjoyable all-around.
But just to recap:
We focused on relaxation, both physically and mentally. This leads to a solid foundation from which you can engage with your partner and open your body up to your direction of focus.
With your body opened up, you can then begin to slow down and breathe. This sends a calming energy through your body so you're able to fully take control.
And once you're in control, that's when you can begin to think about your extremities and moving the focus of your arousal around your body.
It's just body and mind, breathing and focus. Without sounding too much like a yoga teacher, you just have to take control of your own self.
And remember, practice makes perfect. The more sex that you’re having, the easier that these processes will become, as will your natural ability to last longer on your own.
But if you want to go the extra mile… and prepare yourself for an amazing night of sex before it's actually happening… then there is one more thing you can do:
One Final Trick For Peak Sexual Performance…
Like I said, with these techniques, practice makes perfect. But I know — most of these you can only “practice” during sex… so I wanted to find out:
Is there something you can do before sex to last longer in bed?
Well, turns out the answer is “Yes”… you can try eating these 5 foods before you have sex.
They’re nothing special… no ancient “aphrodisiacs” or “rhino horns” or whatever… just 5 everyday foods you can find at your local supermarket…
Each one has a specific ingredient to help you reach your peak performance level in bed… and when they’re combined, the effects can be pretty f'in awesome. 🙂
(Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention… the world’s oldest pornstar uses these to stay “at attention” during his hours-long shoots. Kinda crazy, right?)
If you eat these, don’t be surprised if she wants to have sex more often… that's what happened to me:
[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on April 15, 2020.]