My “Jimmy Fallon Secret” to a Great First Date

good first date questions

You’ve Probably Heard That Good First Date Questions Can Make Or Break a Date–But Do You Know This Superstar’s Secret?

Last week, I showed you the do’s and don’ts of first date conversation… specifically, why questions can be both your best friend and worst enemy on a first date.

Let’s say you like a woman–on a first date, this is your very first attempt at getting to know her and inserting yourself into her life.

There’s nothing wrong with that, right? It only makes sense that you’d ask her questions… right?

Well, sort of. The truth is, women think of first dates a lot differently from us guys.

So today, I’m going to address that, and what you can do about it to make sure everything goes as planned.

The “Interview Paradigm” That Kills Any Chances of Getting a Second Date (Don’t Fall For This!)

If you’ve ever seen the cheesy rom-com How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, you may remember this first date interaction between Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson’s characters:

Andie Anderson (Hudson): Still deciding…
Benjamin Barrett (McConaughey): Anything I can do to help?
Andie Anderson: You can answer some questions.
Benjamin Barrett: Some sounds a little too indefinite. I’ll give you three.

What’s special about this interaction?

In this conversation, Andie is presenting Benjamin with the “interview paradigm”–and he is able to smoothly get around it.

But what exactly is the “interview paradigm,” anyway?

It’s the situation that guys fall into where the woman they’re out with keeps asking questions… and they just keep answering.

This is what happens when women know you like them–unfortunately, it means that she’ll begin qualifying you:

“Hmm… you like me? What have you got to offer?” Is how she’ll think about it.

And here’s why that’s a problem:

For men, status correlates with attractiveness–increasing status increases attractiveness.

Think about every version of the “job interview.” Does it imply a status differential?

You better believe it does! The person interviewing is the one quailfying the other person. So even you have all the right answers to her questions, the fact that you agree to her qualifying you ends up making you less attractive to most women.

So what can you do about it?

My “Jimmy Fallon Secret” to Nailing First Date Conversation

Here’s the way I handle these unattractive “qualifying” situations:

I’ll answer each question that’s asked, doing my best to keep us on the “statement train” (so to speak) in every way I can.

If she seems to be peppering me with questions–it’s a feeling, but 3 questions in a row is always a trigger for me–then instead of answering, I’ll say:

“Well, [name], thanks for having me on the show.”

This points out that she’s interviewing me. And if she doesn’t get it right away (they often don’t), I’ll keep going on like they’re winding up for the next act on Jimmy Fallon:

“We didn’t really promote my upcoming movie, but it’s been a great interview. Who’s your next guest?” For example.

In an effort to avoid this “interview paradigm,” it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t be asking her a bunch of questions, either.

The challenge, of course, is that questions will come to mind. So if you can’t ask her questions, what can you say?

Aren’t questions the strongest part of your conversation?

How are you going to get the information you’re looking for?

Can You Get Answers to Your Questions Without Directly Asking Her?

Most likely, you’re coming into this date with some open-ended questions–dozens of dating advice columns say they’re the best kinds to ask.

“Use open-ended questions to probe a person,” they say.

But here’s the issue:

What if she doesn’t feel comfortable around you yet…?

Or what if she doesn’t want to answer…?

What if the answer will make her feel bad in some way…?

Instead of asking the question that pops into your head, my easy solution is to turn the question into a statement.

And if she refuses to answer this statement, you can just ignore it and keep talking.

Here are a few examples to illustrate my point:

How to Keep Things Flowing Without Running Into Any “Awkward Silences”…

The basics steps to this process are:

1) Guess something about her…

2) Make a statement based on your question (it can be a “yes or no” question–that’s OK).

Here’s what that looks like:

Question in your head: “What do you do?”

Maybe you guess: Paralegal–then immediately raise the status of this guess to protect her self-esteem.

What you actually say: “Why do I get the feeling you’re a judge?”

Here’s another example:

Question in your head: “What’s your sign?”

Maybe you guess: Pisces–then immediately raise this to a broader period of time, i.e. “spring,” or “school year”…

What you actually say: “You’re born in the springtime.”

A lower-risk alternative: “You’re not born during the school year, are you?”

Notice that, no matter how she answers that last question, you can respond, “I knew it!”

That’s Not All…

Try it out in your head or out loud right now, and you’ll realize that all four possibilities (I think yes/she says no, I think no/she says no, I think yes/she says yes, I think no/she says yes) can all be followed up with, “I knew it!”

And from there, you’re taking charge of the conversation and also showing off that you’re paying attention to her.

At the end of the day, women are complicated creatures–but once you understand what she wants to hear, then navigating first date conversation becomes a cinch.

However, there is one more thing I’d like to address… and it might surprise you a little:

My "Jimmy Fallon Secret" to a Great First Date

3 HUGE Lies We’ve Been Told About Women That Stop First Date Sex From Happening

I have to get something off my chest.

I’m sick and tired of these “lies” about women that my students have bought into.

These lies worm their way into guys’ minds at an early age… and paint a picture of women that’s SO far out of touch from reality…

And this sinister “programming” is what keeps 95% of men from getting fast, first-date sex… even when the woman really wants it.

Here are the cliffs notes:

Lie #1: Where Women Go Looking For Guys. Bet you never even considered to look for a woman here…

Lie #2: Who Should Make the First Move? Believe it or not, women are actually making the first move all the time… they’re just subtle about it. Here’s what to look for…

Lie #3: When and How Women Want Sex: This one is the most baffling… in fact I used to believe the exact opposite! Click here to see the truth…

P.S. Once you know first date sex is possible, try doing this to boost your odds of getting her home… I think you’ll like it a lot 😉

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