How to Get More Oral Without Asking Or Begging — Here's Exactly How It's Done…
As a sex guru and therapist, I've had men, women and couples ask me ALL sorts of questions about sex…
They want to know how to get into kinkier sex…
How to spice up their sex lives…
But above all, one of the biggest questions I get–from guys specifically–is this:
“How can I get a woman to give me more oral sex?”
So that's what I want to talk about today.
Hi, I’m Ruwando, and as part of my ongoing series, I’m answering your most difficult, burning questions related to sex and dating.
And today, I want to show you the truth about getting more BJs–what works, what doesn’t, and how to easily get way more oral sex whenever you want.
Because honestly, if you follow the right steps… and get some practice under your belt…
… then it’s a LOT easier than you may realize.
So let’s get started!
Catch The Full Video Transcript Below…
Hey, what's up?
Ruwando from Gotham Club here, and today we have a question from Gary.
It's a question, a technical question I get a lot. I'm going to reframe it, because it's not really that technical, but it is:
“How can I get girls to give me more BJs?”
First I want to say I'm going to reframe the question completely, because if you're asking it this way, “How can I get a woman to give me a BJ?”
You're looking at it, you're coming at it in this kind of manipulative, conflicting frame that's unnecessary.
It's not about being a good person, or I mean … all of that's important too, but if you're coming at it of like, “I need to convince women to do this for me,” you're creating this unnecessary conflict. Because women like sex.
Women like giving BJs. Women like kissing. And women like all the things that men like, right?
The thing is, they don't like it in the way that most men present it. So just in the way of asking the question, “How can I get women to do this?” You're already setting up this frame of, “This is an unpleasant thing that she's going to sacrifice for me.”
Which is not the way to go about it.
Because even if you can get her to do it, she's not going to love it. She's not going to want to do it, and she might even get resentful, right?
Here's What You DON'T Want to Say…
That said, oral sex can be a mutually beneficial experience, and that's the frame you want to enter this into.
Something that's really interesting that a lot of people don't understand–I actually made a whole course with Gotham Club on this — is that women can actually have orgasms from oral sex.
Now, this sounds maybe a little sly for a man to say this, obviously I assume you're a man watching this.
I wouldn't go up to women and be like, “Hey, did you know you can orgasm from sucking my d*ck? Why don't you try.”
That's not the way to go about it. However, something for you to know that a woman can actually experience a lot of pleasure.
There are a bunch of things that a woman can do with her mouth and her throat that will actually allow her to have immense pleasure in her body.
So I'm not going to go into that, but here are 5 more things you can do to get a woman to give you more oral (without asking):
Focus On Kissing (AKA Oral Pleasure)
The very first thing I'd say before you get into any of the emotional parts of it, or the communication side of it, is making sure that she knows or experiences oral pleasure with you.
And the best place to start is kissing.
If you can kiss her well, she will love the feeling that you give her in her mouth region, which means aside from lips-to-lips contact, she might enjoy kissing your body.
She might enjoy nibbling on your ears.
Whether or not she has a perception of whether giving head is pleasurable, that will inspire her on a general basis to feel pleasure when she stimulates your mouth.
That is the baseline critical absolute foundation for her to enjoy oral sex and give you BJs. Because she's only going to give you BJs if she likes oral sex.
She's only going to enjoy oral sex if you can enjoy her mouth.
Kissing is the most important thing. I'd say learn how to be a very good kisser.
Learn how to really enjoy pleasuring her lips, because ultimately, you want her to enjoy using your c*ck to pleasure her lips. That's actually what's going to make oral sex super fun for her.
So yes, being a good kisser will help you get more BJs on a technical level.
Give Her Oral & Don’t Let Her Reciprocate
Now, giving a man head, you have to understand, for a woman … for an adult woman who's been sexually active for a period of time, she probably has a lot of charge built up around BJs.
Maybe a first boyfriend forced her, or maybe she felt like she had to do it for guys to like her, or maybe there's a bunch of obligation, or maybe she thinks, “Oh, this guy went down on me, and now I have to go down on him.”
I mean, a lot of guys go into that. A lot of people view sex as reciprocation. “I get you off, you get me off.”
That's not good, because it always feels like an obligation.
Just think, if she goes down on you, you're like, “Oh shit, now I have to go down on her. I have to go down on her.” It's not fun. Even if you like sucking p*ssy, right? It's not a fun frame of mind.
I would break that by giving her oral sex and not letting her reciprocate.
That might seem really counterintuitive at first, but if you seize her and shower her with love, and give her a massage or something, and then back off… and be like, “No, I don't want you to reciprocate. I was giving it to you because it felt so good for me to give to you. It felt so good for me to spontaneously eat your p*ssy when we were doing laundry,” or whatever.
I don't know. I mean, you can think of fun, creative ways.
If you do that, she's going to understand, “Oh, hey. One, this guy enjoys giving. Maybe I can enjoy giving.”
And maybe she already enjoys giving, but even a woman who has some charge around giving is worried about being taken advantage of. So this will make her feel good about giving.
At some point, it's just kind of like a long-term reciprocation.
She might be like, “You know what? Maybe I actually want to suck his d*ck. Maybe that would actually feel good,” because that's really important.
3) Give Her Good Feedback
Another thing that would help is that when she does go down on you, or whenever she's giving to you, whether it's giving you a massage, or kissing your body, or sucking your d*ck…
Something that a lot of guys miss out on is giving this sensational feedback.
They know how much they like to get it, but they don't think about giving it.
The example is you're going down on a woman. Imagine she's totally silent and frigid, right?
Maybe she's enjoying it inside, but she's silent and frigid, and you're like, “What am I doing here? Does she like it? Is she enjoying it? I mean, am I being used?”
However, if you're with a woman, and she's showing you how much she's enjoying it, she's moaning, she's making sounds, that almost in itself makes the entire giving process feel rewarding.
You're like, “Yeah, I mean, it feels good to have your gifts received.” I mean, just like anything, it doesn't even have to be sexual.
When you offer something to somebody and they really like it, it makes you feel good.
Same thing when you're the one receiving.
Really, the way I think the exalted view of sex is that there really is no giving or receiving.
Everything is for both parties.
Sometimes one person's active, sometimes the other person's active, and sometimes you're both active… but every act in sex should be mutually beneficial, should not be selfish or altruistic. It should be the same thing.
I'll add to that is that either during the sex or after, during the BJ or after, I would verbally reinforce how much you love it.
I mean, this might seem simple. It might be obvious, like, “Don't all men love BJs?” But it's nice to hear these things, and some people really like those words of affirmation.
Something as simple as, “I love the way your lips feel,” or, “I love when you go down on me.”
Just that slight line, use that positive reinforcement, so she will know clearly, “This is a thing that I like.” If she likes you, I would assume that this woman likes you, it'll just be in her mind of like, “Oh, this is a thing that I can do that really gives my partner pleasure if I choose to give him pleasure.”
4) Remove Resentment
That said, I do want to address one thing on a broader scale when it comes to sex.
If she feels resentful at you about anything, she's not going to want to give, and that goes the other way.
If you're resentful at a woman, even if you want to have sex with her, you're not going to want to be generous.
I mean, I can make a whole video on this, so I'm not going to go deep into this more psychological thing.
But having really good communication, being really aware of her feelings, and speaking everything in real-time is important.
Because we have all heard when a married couple piles on their resentments about stupid things like the dishes, or logistical things, or, “You said this to me at a party,” and they keep sweeping these things under the rug, eventually, they stop wanting to have sex with each other.
All these tiny resentments build up, and they stop being able to feel their bodies, and eventually they lose their attraction to their partner.
They might still have sex, but it's very transactional. One of the first places you'll see this is oral sex, right?
When you love someone and you don't feel resentful at them, it feels great to give them pleasure. But if you feel any sort of resentment, you might still want to have sex with them.
They might still be hot, and you might still enjoy the sexual experience, but you're not going to want to give anymore. Giving is the first thing that goes away.
So no resentment.
And here's my final trick that gets a woman to give you more oral sex… and it's also the easiest:
5) At The End Of The Day Getting Whatever Sexual Favors You Want From Her Is Simple…
Generally speaking women (or humans in general for that matter) love to reciprocate.
You make her feel good, she’s going to want to make you feel good… so all you have to do is make her feel REALLY good to get what you want in bed.
And in my experience there’s one technique that doesn’t just make a woman come…
But when done right it has the potential to give her intense whole body orgasms… and you only need 5 fingers to do it:
In the past whenever I’ve done this right, the woman has always been beyond grateful…
And trust me… when you pull this off, you’re going to get a lot more than just a BJ: