“Facebook Addiction” Has a Whole New Meaning…
We all do different things to “get in the mood.”
For some men, it means watching the woman you’re with undress…
Or having her undress you…
Or maybe engaging in some mutual foreplay…
Whatever it is, it’s all about focusing on the moment…
Or is it?
According to psychology research scientist Kostadin Kushlev, an astounding 10% of people have checked their phones during sex.
That’s right — the next time you’re in a group of 10 or more people, look around. One of those people has probably checked Facebook while getting busy.
Kushlev, who is based at the University of Virginia, led a study that examined how the way you use your smartphone affects your mental state.
I’ll explain more about that later, but for now, this is the bottom line:
If you think you’re immune to your smartphone, think again.
“What Does This Mean for Me?”
You might have read this and thought:
“I would never do anything like that, and any guy who would is obviously a moron!”
That’s where you’re wrong.
You might think you’d never do anything as “insane” as look at your phone during sex, but to assume every guy who’s ever done it is stupid would be close-minded and equally as bad.
And remember, it’s 10% of people who have done this, not 10% of men.
Just like you might be tempted to check Instagram during sex, you never know when she might be just as bored as you are.
Let me explain.
Sex is a complicated subject, and to say that there’s a lot going on when it happens would be an understatement.
Before you begin having sex with a woman, you need to consider:
- If she wants to have sex with you…
- If she’s physically/mentally/emotionally ready…
- If you’re physically/mentally/emotionally ready…
- How much foreplay both of you need…
- If she wants to be dominant or submissive…
- If you want to be dominant or submissive…
- How to communicate your needs…
You get the idea.
Having good sex requires an active presence and a lot of communication.
It’s very difficult to have a good sexual experience with someone who just isn’t there.
If you’ve ever been in the bedroom when you or your partner are extremely drunk or tired, then you already know this.
Why does this matter?
Just like your level of fatigue or inebriation can affect your skills in the bedroom, your ability to pay attention to your surroundings can affect your sex life as well.
And what device corrupts your ability to pay attention to your surroundings more than anything else?
You might be looking at it right now — your smartphone.
3 Ways You Can Stay Focused During Sex
If you or your partner are easily distracted or have ADHD, then you are at a much higher risk of being tempted to check your phone during sex.
And even if you’re not easily distracted, the presence of smartphones is so ubiquitous that you’re still at risk of feeling tempted if you keep your phone (or your partner’s phone) in the bedroom.
Beyond your phone, there are tons of other things just waiting to distract you during sex…
Your cat or dog…
Your own brain…
Your roommates…
Your neighbors…
Just think about your last encounter in the bedroom.
Were you really paying attention to her the entire time without thinking about anything else at all?
Probably not.
It’s like shouting “Zebra!” and then asking someone not to think about zebras for five minutes straight.
Focusing on one thing — even if it’s the person you’re currently having sex with — for a prolonged period of time is simply not easy.
Here are three things you can do during sex to stay focused and in the moment:
1) Take technology out of the bedroom.
Unless it’s a new toy you’ll be using, your phone and computer have no place being involved in your sex life. If you think you’re about to have sex, leave your phone, computer, tablet — whatever — out of the equation.
Encourage your partner to do the same.
2) Communicate with your partner.
It’s especially hard to focus if the person you’re with is completely silent. Encourage her to be vocal!
Of course, you want her to be comfortable, but having an open line of communication is the best way to ensure you’re both on the same page.
Likewise, it’s just as important for you to communicate back to her — don’t be afraid to speak up.
3) Switch things up.
When done correctly, sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have.
However, if your partner is bored by your routine or is just “going through the motions,” she might be even more tempted to check her phone!
Avoid this by trying new positions, incorporating toys into the mix, and experimenting with new things you’re both comfortable with. It often helps to have a conversation about it first.
Do not approach this conversation by saying “I want our sex lives to be less boring.” Instead, start the conversation by suggesting a new idea, such as:
“Maybe tomorrow night we can play doctor and patient…”
Chances are she’ll be more open to it than you ever expected.
What This Study Is Actually Saying…
This statistic might not be news to you — in fact, it’s been covered by many major outlets over the course of the past week.
However, what these major, “accredited” news outlets tend to do is dumb the study (whatever it’s about) down for the general audience.
I know you’re not stupid.
In many cases, the message these news outlets send their readers has nothing to do with the study!
Case in point — the statistic I presented at the beginning of this article was not even part of the study in question.
Seriously.
While Kushlev, who led the study, mentioned the statistic (that 10% of people check their phone during sex) when he presented the study, he did not actually conduct the survey that led to that statistic.
Here’s a short list of media outlets who misreported this:
Now I’m not one to bash respected publications, but this kind of reporting is the equivalent of lying to you.
What the study in question did do is examine the behavior of 221 students over a period of two weeks.
For one week, the students kept all of their alerts and notifications turned on. For the next week, they left their phones on silent mode.
At the end of both weeks, the students completed questionnaires about their attention levels and hyperactivity.
The results indicated that students felt more distractible and hyperactive when their smartphones’ alerts were turned on.
According to Kushlev, “The findings simply suggest that our constant digital stimulation may be contributing to an increasingly problematic deficit of attention in modern society.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Here’s What to Do Next
You might be wondering why I just went on a “rant” about the reporting of scientific data…
Starting today, I’ll be tearing down every sex study I can get my hands on to figure out exactly what it means for you and the steps you need to take.
I have a background in science, so I’m going to be blunt.
And that’s a good thing!
So check back here every week to find new studies and insights. Even if you think you’ve already read about it, I hope you I showed you today that you can’t trust everything you read.
But you can definitely trust me.
And speaking of science, there are some “big data” secrets you should know about if you really want to be successful with women…
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