Busting Open the Most Popular Dating Tips For Men… And the REAL Secrets to Making a Woman Adore You
When you’re dating someone, you get a TON of unsolicited advice.
And let’s be honest, most of it is… terrible.
That stuff that “everyone knows” or “you’ve got to do”?
It’ll end up killing your relationship, and messing up your whole dating life.
Today, we’re going to go through some of the most popular, and biggest myths in the dating world.
The TRUTH behind the lies, and some REAL dating tips for men, that actually work…
I’m going to tell you why these myths ARE NOT TRUE — and what dating tips for men you should follow, instead of the not-so-smart “conventional wisdom”
To make it easier, I’ve broken it up into three categories: The Reality of Relationships For Men, Stuff She Says, and Stuff You Say.
Let’s get started…
The Reality of Relationships for Men
Now, when you’re first deciding if you want to date a woman, there are some things that “everyone knows” and they are happy to pass along to you.
These are the common myths that pass as dating tips for men, and why they’re not true…
1) Bitchy Means She’s a Bitch
I don’t know why a lot of guys fall for this, but many guys think that when a woman says she doesn’t like him, she will start to like him if he spends money or gives gifts or compliments…
And yet the same guy can think a woman who acts like a bitch is a bitch.
Women are not that simple and straightforward…
If you don’t take her at face value in one instance, why do it in the other?
Most women want to be kind. Beautiful women, especially, are beautiful because they want to be liked. They take care with how they are presented.
Bitchy can mean she’s uncomfortable, or feels put on the spot. Or that you only want her because she’s beautiful… she’s testing you to see if you will still like her for her if she throws out some mean…
It is not really anyone’s nature and certainly not the de facto personality trait of a whole class of people, like models, or Russians, or CEOs.
So give her a few chances. That bitchy act might be hiding a sweet personality…
2) What You See is What You Get
…or WYSIWYG as the nerds say.
Things are largely NOT what they seem, because we see things through our own self-centeredness.
In other words, What you see is usually not even what you see!
Confusing, isn’t it? This is why dating is so hard for men…
The one thing women are consistently dishonest about is LIKING someone.
But… you can see it in her face… If you’re paying attention.
If you are good at reading them, they are extremely consistent. They are more consistent than men actually, because they express themselves more often, so there’s more to read.
So take what you want to see out of the equation, and try to see what she’s actually showing you…
In other words, take your own expectations and desires out of what you’re seeing… and look for what she’s really showing you.
3) Men Should Worry About Their Competition When Dating
This is a myth for the guys — especially the insecure jealous ones — who think that a better looking, smoother talking guy with more money is going to steal away their woman.
It’s also, however, a myth for the women, who think you should be afraid of the guys she talks to when you aren’t giving her enough attention.
“If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it . . . “
Unfortunately (for them) I am usually ok when a woman wants to take some time away from me.
Well, the truth is, that women are failure simulators.
This is a valuable and important skill. Figuring out what can go wrong is a big step to avoiding difficulties or danger.
However, it also means that if they HAVE a guy, they are very attentive to what they DON’T like about him.
If they DON’T have a guy, they can be attentive to what they DO like about him.
If you are trying to get her to like you, she is figuring out what she doesn’t like about you.
If you are NOT trying to get her to like you, you have a MUCH better chance that she’ll look for what she likes about you.
This means, on the one hand, that when she’s not with me, she’s usually not thinking of my worst features, but of the things she likes.
In addition, when she meets other guys, instead of thinking what’s better about them (probably everything, in truth) she’s thinking of what their weaknesses are and what she’d lose in the trade.
So give her some space, and she’ll almost always come back to you.
Stuff She Says
She’s gonna say a lot of stuff… and most of it falls into a few categories. Here are the myths of how women act in relationships.
And dating tips for men who aren’t sure exactly why women say what they say:
4) She’ll Tell You What to Do – And You Should Do It
“You should cut your hair.”
“Why don’t you get ME flowers?”
“You never say what you’re thinking.”
“Tell me how you feel about it.”
I’ll never forget one brunch at a buddy’s place. We met two women the night before and they joined us at his pad for brunch. (I still remember the eyes on one of them…)
The conversation naturally led over to one of my favorite subjects: men and women and how they communicate.
“I see what you mean,” I responded to something, “but I think sometimes doing what you tell me wouldn’t really result in you being happier with me.”
Things seemed a bit cold for a moment. Then…
“I’m remembering,” the brunette started, “when I was dating this guy. I kept telling him he’d look better with a haircut. I almost insisted at some point, but he’d ignore me. Then he came to see me and he had cut his hair. Exactly the way I wanted it.”
I began formulating some rebuttal in my mind when she continued:
“…and I have to admit. I liked him less right then.”
Remember Nat King Cole’s song: “After You Get What You Want You Don’t Want It”…
You gotta be you. She likes you, not a version of her…
5) You Should Both Lead Equally
Okay, but who’s in charge?
“Sometimes you lead, and sometimes she leads,” is popular advice for men who are dating…
I’m sorry, but no.
I don’t at all mean to sound chauvinistic, but no. She WANTS you to lead.
If you disagree, then you don’t understand what leading OR leadership means:
You must think that LEADING means choosing what to do. Well, it doesn’t.
A leader MIGHT choose what to do, and in fact might do what they want. MIGHT. But that’s not what leading is. (It’s just being bossy.)
Half the time when I go to dinner with a woman, I’m doing what she wants. But I’m choosing. I’m leading.
I would rather booze it up in a steak joint. I don’t mind the fancy seafood place, but it’s not my favorite. But I know it’s her favorite, so I chose it. For her.
Think about a president or a CEO. Often they are doing what their constituents want or what the country needs or what the business or marketplace or investors or shareholders demand.
A leader helps EVERYONE stay on the same page and go the same direction.
A leader should have and take responsibility for any errors or disappointments.
She doesn’t want that. She wants YOU to have it.
6) No Always Means No
Uh, . . . no.
That’s um… a triple negative, so let me explain.
I CERTAINLY do NOT mean to ignore her “No.”
What she says is important, but don’t take her “No” as a) final or b) simple.
Here’s something ironic:
The one thing women will say that is most likely to mean you’re gonna get some is, “I’m not going to have sex with you.”
Usually that line comes out when I haven’t brought up romance or physical action in any way…
I used to get offended, and it’s still very difficult for me to stay interested after that blatant negativity.
But often saying “This is not going to happen” means she’s already thinking about it… and that might be where you’re headed.
But you never force it…
If she says no, that means you are not doing anything but seduction until she changes the plan.
Here’s a simpler way of putting it: No means no, but it doesn’t mean never…
7) If She Doesn’t Say No, That Means Yes
This is even MORE FALSE than the last one.
She might not say “No” because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
“She really likes me,” one guy told me. “She said I was sweet.”
Probably the kiss of death, I’m afraid.
“She said, ‘Maybe.”
Yeah, that was a kind “No.”
I’m not saying to give up right away, I’m just saying don’t count your chickens.
You are looking for actions and emotions. Until you have some experience, you are probably not great at reading her body language and expressions.
Keep moving forward, and keep adjusting for any negative body language. You’ll get better and better at reading what she’s saying with her body language, more than her words.
8) If She Says Yes, That’s Yes
Sadly, usually NOT.
But if she says some version of “We’re definitely going to do it,” the chances are VERY LOW that you will.
Language has present, past and future in it. Women usually mean what they say about the present – because emotions are very present.
If she says we WILL have sex in the future…
Well, a “Yes” in the present is a “Yes.”
“Yes” for the future means she feels NOW that she WILL say, “Yes” THEN.
Or maybe she's trying not to hurt your feelings…
9) You Both Make Promises (And You Both Have to Keep Them)
Both men and women make promises all the time.
Only YOU make promises. She just says things.
A woman (children do this too) will hold you to your promise with the words, “But you said…”.
But have you ever tried to use those words on them? Doesn’t work.
Part of the reason this is confusing is because men usually talk about action and women usually talk about emotion.
So when a woman says “We will have sex…” she may not be out and out lying or manipulating.
But she’s talking about how she will feel, and that she will feel like having sex.
Well, no one can promise to FEEL something, because you don’t control your own feelings.
But when men say “We will have sex” we aren’t talking about feelings. We are talking about an action. And you can promise to DO something.
So, she makes wishful-feeling “what ifs” and YOU make promises.
That’s just the way it is.
Stuff You Say
Speaking of stuff you both say, and what it really means…
Here are some dating tips for men about what you should (and shouldn’t) say to women.
10) She Wants The Truth (Yes, She Does… But She Can’t Handle The Truth)
When a woman says to ‘tell her the truth.’ she means it. She really DOES want the truth. She’s not lying.
But, as Nicholson famously tells Cruise, she “Can’t handle the truth!”
I’m not telling you to lie — you have to live with your own integrity, and a man’s posture, confidence and self acceptance are ALWAYS better when he tells the truth.
But be careful how you phrase something… The classic is if she asks if you like what she’s wearing. You don’t, it’s ugly as hell. But she’s pretty, and you don’t want her to be mad all night. So say some version of that, like, “You are so pretty, you make that look amazing.”
11) So You Don’t Have To Keep Your Word Either!?
What’s good for the goose . . .?
Let me make ABSOLUTELY clear that your integrity – honesty and reliability, internally and externally – is extremely important.
Men don’t lie.
But here’s an important tip for men who are dating women:
They always choose their words wisely.
12) Don’t Make Her Mad Or You Could Lose Her
All women are NOT like this beautiful woman I met in Paris.
One night we were headed to my AirBnB. She was in a pissy mood, possibly because I met a gorgeous blonde that night and she probably thought that girl was interested.
She was probably right. But I liked her, and I was with her. I wasn’t going anywhere… until she kept picking fights with me.
When we almost reached there, her arguing was still going strong and I decided I would rather try my luck with the new, smiling blonde.
So, I said, “Let’s just say goodnight.”
I turned around and headed back to the bar.
I heard her voice in the distance behind me and turned around.
“You didn’t ask,” she said as soon as she was close enough, “how wet I was.”
You mean this quarrelsome interaction excited her?
As I said, all women are not like this to such an extreme, but the fact is, standing up to a woman — i.e. Being a Man — is NOT a turn off to her. In fact, it’s usually a turn on…
That’s one of the key dating tips for men: be a man.
13) You’ve Got to Try Not To Lose Her
Any version of trying not to lose her is similar to trying to keep her: it will backfire.
A woman does NOT generally want to be with a man who is afraid to lose her, even though she might settle for one to be safe.
So simply don’t worry about losing her. If you catch yourself thinking you’re worried, shake it off. And never tell her…
Now you've got the 13 things down that you should definitely IGNORE, and never listen to. But there's MORE…
These 13 Myths Are Just The Tip Of The Iceberg…
If you've ever been friend-zoned, ghosted, or rejected, the chances are you've been unwittingly following these dating no-nos.
It’ll become way easier to talk to girls…
You’ll notice random girls flirting with you…
First dates will quickly escalate to the bedroom…
And girls will start chasing YOU vs the other way round.