Discover How Not to Be the Creepy Guy & Turn Her On Instead (Without Risking Rejection)…
Over and over in my articles, I keep saying things like:
- “…And be careful not to come across as creepy”…
- “…But watch out that it’s not creepy”…
- “…If it comes across as creepy, then avoid it”…
But what does it really mean to be “creepy”?
The truth is, I don’t like to spend time on the negative… but this is too important not to tackle head first.
I actually have guy friends who come off to women as “creepy,” despite my best efforts to teach them otherwise.
It’s got to stop, for everyone’s sake.
Before we get in how to correct this behavior, let’s first take some time to define “creep” and definitely answer:“What is a creep?” and define “creep”.
“What is a creep?”
What Is A Creep?
It can be hard to define creep, because everyone has a different opinion about what a creepy guy is.
Dictionary.com defines creep as, “an obnoxious, disturbingly eccentric, deviant, or painfully introverted person.”
Urban Dictionary, however, is a little more general, and defines creep as simply, “an undesirable man.”
So, what is a creep? Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer.
To some, a creep is a guy who won’t leave a woman alone, while to others a creep is a guy who makes a woman feel awkward.
Though there’s no official agreement on the answer to, “What is a creep?”… most often, men are considered a creepy guy if they continue to pursue a woman without picking up on cues that she’s uncomfortable or not interested.
Again, it doesn’t make you a bad guy. It just means you aren’t reading the signs correctly, which luckily, we can help with.
First, I’m going to show you how to know what it means to be “creepy” to a woman.
Then I’m going to discuss how to avoid giving off the “creepy” vibe.
What Does it Mean to Be “Creepy” in Her Eyes?
Here’s something most guys don’t realize:
Creepiness stems from good intentions.
But before you meet a woman, these good intentions can come off as creepy if, and only if, there is escalation without calibration.
Basically, this means that you’re making a move (AKA “taking action”) without figuring out what’s going on. You’re not responding to her signals.
Why is this creepy?
When a woman hints that she’s pulling away from you, it’s usually not conscious. Her discomfort or disinterest expresses itself in her negative body language.
And although it’s not consciously motivated, she’s communicating this to you.
While she’s not conscious of what she’s doing, her actions make her aware — at a just-below-consciousness level — that she is not really into you.
And so when you ignore this negative reaction and continue what you’re doing, her disinterest quickly becomes conscious.
This disinterest is then magnified, and instead of mild disinterest, she is now experiencing revulsion. This results in her getting a “creepy” vibe from you.
Understand that it’s fine to take action–heck, you need to take action–as long as you want to eventually date or go home with a woman.
But first, you’ve got to figure out what’s going on, to avoid having her think you’re a creepy guy.
Girls Chase recently published an article on how to not be seen as a creepy guy and insisted that being a creepy guy often boils down to wanting something without giving something in return.
Sometimes this can mean adding more to the conversation (not just checking her out), and other times this can mean giving her space.
Still not sure how to figure out if what you’re doing could be perceived as creepy? Don’t worry, we’ll help you figure it out next.
Does She Think I’m A Creep?
Depending on the definition you go with and the particular situation, you might be thinking, “She thinks I’m a creep!”
The truth is, every guy has probably thought “I’m a creep” at least once in a situation.
So does she think you’re a creepy guy?
While her opinion is subjective, here are a few things you should avoid doing, so as not to be labeled as creepy when trying to impress a new girl:
1) Don’t Stare
This might seem self-explanatory, but if you’re still blatantly looking her up and down and wondering, “Does she think I’m a creep?”… the answer is probably yes.
Of course, you want to make sure you’re attracted to a new girl, but don’t ogle at her.
And always meet her eyes when talking.
2) Don’t Touch Her Over & Over
Many guys think that touching shows their interest in a woman.
Touching becomes a problem and is considered creepy, however, when she doesn’t respond back.
Most guys aren’t trying to touch a woman without her enjoying it, but merely think a woman is shy or playing hard to get.
If a woman isn’t responding to you touching her hand, shoulder, or thigh, the best thing to do is stop touching her.
3) Don’t Stare at Her From Across The Room (If She Avoids Your Gaze)
Making eye contact from across the room is a great introduction for many singles.
But, don’t keep eyeing a girl who turns away from you or seems uncomfortable with you looking at her.
Even if you’re just trying to make her smile or say “hi,” too much starting will have her thinking you’re a creepy guy.
4) Don’t Be Too Persistent
When a girl tells you “no,” it’s usually safe to believe she means it.
Maybe she’s had a long day or is out with friends or has a boyfriend.
Whatever the reason, don’t take it personally, but definitely don’t keep trying.
Instead, look for a woman who’s eager to talk to you. If the first girl really is interested, she might even get jealous and come back. If she doesn’t, then you just saved yourself from wasting your time on her.
5) Don’t Force A Conversation
One of the creepiest things you can do is force a conversation.
We’ve all been there–we’re talking to someone new and suddenly, the conversation slows, lulls, and ultimately dies.
There’s nothing wrong with this–it just may mean you two don’t have a ton in common.
Many guys try to keep the conversation going, thinking this is the nice thing to do. But most girls find it pretty creepy and would rather you said goodbye and let the conversation end.
6) Don’t Compliment Her (Too Much)
One compliment is nice, but for the most part, women aren’t interested in talking about how great they are.
Constantly hearing that they're “amazing” or “beautiful” can not only frustrate them, it can also have them thinking you might be a creepy guy–especially if you just met them.
The “Creepy Guy” Behaviors Every Man Must Avoid
Since a lot of guys simply don’t know when they’re coming across as “creepy,” I want to give you a list of 3 more common “creepy behaviors” to avoid:
1) Bad Body Language
Do people — particularly women — back up when you’re talking to them?
This is a huge sign that you’re getting closer than what they find comfortable.
Or does she put her arms in front of her body while you are talking to her? She might be subconsciously trying to protect herself from you.
2) The Wrong Kind of Eye Contact
Do you look at a woman when you’re talking to her? What does she do with her eyes?
Here’s what it means:
If she matches your eye contact, it means: “I like you, and I don’t mind telling you that I like you. Turn up the volume!”
If she looks down (particularly while she’s smiling), it means: “Yes. Keep going.”
If she breaks eye contact and looks up, it means: “Oh, brother. Please stop talking to me.”
And finally, if she breaks eye contact and looks to the side (especially if she turns her head), it means: “Help. I need to escape!”
As you can tell, the last two responses mean she’s getting a “creepy” vibe from you.
3) Not Paying Attention to Her Words
Most women will tell you directly when they don’t like what you’re doing — especially if this is a woman you’ve only just met.
So if she says something like, “Ewwww!! Don’t say that!” you can assume she means it.
If she indicates she doesn’t want to hear your joke or funny story, believe her. You might not be doing anything wrong – she just may not want to talk.
Don’t think of her words as a challenge you have to win. Just walk away and move on to someone else who is interested in what you have to say.
Not listening to her words and responding to them is one of the easiest ways guys end up being called creepy.
Are You a Creepy Guy on Social Media or Dating Apps?
Being creepy is usually something guys associate with in-person encounters, but there are ways to be creepy via social media and dating apps as well.
In fact, many women could likely tell you horror stories about creepy guys on Tinder. It can make using the app pretty frustrating and even scary for many women, so avoiding these creepy missteps is an absolute must.
1) Sending Too Many Messages (Without Getting A Response)
Sometimes, you meet someone online or on Tinder and you just click.
You text for hours and hours and there’s just an instant connection.
Sometimes, you really are into a girl and text her constantly so she doesn’t forget about you, without realizing she isn’t messaging you quite as much.
Even though your intentions to get to know her or meet her are good, you’re going to come across as a creepy guy if you keep bombarding her with messages.
Most guys who are labeled as creepy on dating apps send the same words or phrases over and over again. For instance, they might text, “Hey” every morning, or, “Thinking about you” almost every time they send a message.
While the words and phrases are positive ones, hearing them repeatedly can get a little creepy.
Instead, try asking her how her day was or ask a question about a fact in her profile, to show her you’re actually interested in her.
This will do one of two things:
Either she’ll respond and start engaging more, or she won’t. Either way, you’ll have your answer on what to do next.
2) Commenting on Her Old Photos
If you’re Facebook or Instagram friends, you’re probably going to end up liking new photos of her.
It gets creepy when some guys dig back into a woman’s photo history and start liking or commenting on pictures from years ago.
Everyone Facebook stalks. We get it. But you don’t want to exclaim it.
It’s also important to note that you’re not trying to capture a woman’s attention publicly on a platform she uses to talk to all of her friends. Stick to messaging or texting her instead, to avoid having her or her friends think you’re a creepy guy.
3) Using Cheesy “Lines”
Some guys are taught that using lines to get girls’ attention is the way to go.
Unfortunately, on dating apps and online dating, you have just a small period of time to catch a girl’s eye and you don’t want to waste it by saying something that might make her think you’re creepy.
There’s a ton of pretending on Tinder and it’s understandable why.
But if you really want to meet a woman, just be open and honest, and ask her about herself and her career or ask her to hang out. Don’t waste time on silly lines that never work.
3 Easy Ways to Avoid Being Creepy
1) Mirror Her Negative Body Language
If a woman pulls back as soon as you start talking to her, don’t ignore it.
Instead, pull back an equal (or further) distance. Not in a showy way, as if you’re saying:
“Oh… you’re pulling back? I’m pulling back!”
Just subtly pull back as you look away and continue speaking to her.
Is she crossing her arms while she’s talking to you? Cross yours, too, as you continue speaking.
Why does this work?
It shows her that you’re paying attention to what she’s doing and responding in the same way. This will make her feel safe and that you’re not escalating without calibrating.
However, it’s important to note that you should not mirror her facial expressions or words. That’s taking it a bit too far.
2) Use Time Constraints
The next easy way to avoid coming off as creepy is to use time constraints — let her know that you’re leaving soon.
My buddy Eric calls it a “false” time constraint. You are addressing her fear by suggesting that her discomfort (if she’s experiencing any) will be short.
(Note: If you’ve stayed on the phone too long with someone who’s said, “OK I’ve got to go,” but then doesn’t hang up, then you understand how this works.)
There are two ways you can use time constraints.
The first one is to use a verbal time constraint.
Here are a few examples:
- “I can’t stay long.”
- “Really quickly…”
- “Before I go…”
- “While I have a minute…”
- “I only have a minute…”
- “I have to go…”
Here, you’re telling her that you have to go, without actually physically leaving.
It Doesn’t End There…
The other type of time constraint you can use is non-verbal — Dean Martin did this when he sang on stage.
He’d walk up to the microphone, and then as soon as he sang one line he’d turn and almost walk away from it.
So when you first start talking to a woman, simply look away and start to move away…
And then return to say whatever you were saying. Continue to rock back on your feet, and you can even look away as though you might leave at any second.
This makes her less aware of her desire to get away from you, and more aware that you are not interested in her.
So, instead of feeling subconsciously repulsed, she is now subconsciously motivated to capture your interest — even if she’s not actually interested in you.
She wants to make you try to stay.
And from there, it's time to figure out if she's actually interested in you.
3) Only Talk to Women Who Give You “The Signs”
I often wonder why talking to women is so much easier for me these days… than back when I got instant endless rejections.
And I’ve finally figured out the one big reason:
Previously–I had no way to tell if a woman was into me or not.
Feeling uncertain if she likes you creates a huuuuuge amount of anxiety. And women can smell it. That’s why women may often call a guy “creepy” and walk away.
So as you may have guessed, when I found a way to know if a woman was interested in me… without having to talk to her… I was able to sleep with a lot more women, a lot faster.
(And I never had to worry about getting rejected, either.)
How? I used this list of hidden “Signs” a woman wants you.
It shows you the subtle clues a woman wants to talk to you… or kiss you… or even go home with you… and you can check it out right here: